Goofing Off at Work? Moi???

The fact that I'm posting this from my desk should tell you how I feel about this subject...

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Wasting time at work? You're not alone: survey

Americans who feel bored and underpaid do work hard -- at surfing the Internet and catching up on gossip, according to a survey that found U.S. workers waste about 20 percent of their working day.

An online survey of 2,057 employees by online compensation company Salary.com found about six in every 10 workers admit to wasting time at work with the average employee wasting 1.7 hours of a typical 8.5 hour working day.

Personal Internet use topped the list as the leading time-wasting activity according to 34 percent of respondents, with 20.3 percent then listing socializing with co-workers and 17 percent conducting personal business as taking up time.

The reasons why people wasted time were varied with nearly 18 percent of respondents questioned by e-mail in June and July said boredom and not having enough to do was the main reason.

The second most popular reason for wasting time was having too long hours (13.9 percent), being underpaid (11.8 percent), and a lack of challenging work (11.1 percent).

"While a certain amount of wasted time is built into company salary structures, our research indicates that companies with a challenged and engaged workforce can expect more productivity in return," said Bill Coleman, chief compensation officer at Salary.com.

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Disneyland Rules!

Ah, Disneyland.

I had a total BLAST at Uncle Walt’s Magic Kingdom last week – it’s hard to put into words what a cool place this is. If you’ve never been, well why not? Pack your bags, grab your kids, make sure your ATM card is active, and get yourself down to Anaheim. Trust me – it’s worth it.

I told the Lovely Mrs. G that visiting Disneyland was “good for my soul”. That’s probably the best way to put it. To me, Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure are therapeutic, relaxing, invigorating, and make your imagination dance.

This was my 11th trip to Disneyland over the last 42 years, and already I’m anxious for trip #12. When can we go? I’ve got my mouse ears on and my park pass ready to go.

I make no bones about my being an oversized 12 year old at heart with a deep love of All Things Disney. Why grow up when you can have so much fun as a kid? So Disneyland (and it’s Florida counterpart) will forever have a special place in my heart. I’d rather spend the day at Disneyland than at the Super Bowl, and I’d much rather sing the Haunted Mansion theme than sing-along at a Justin Timberlake concert. To each his own, I suppose, but Disney’s world of fun is just my spinning cup of tea.

So do yourself a favor – take the kids to the Happiest Place on Earth. Or just take yourself. You’ll be glad you did.

Requiem for a Good Guy

It was 10 years ago today that my father died. I miss old Albert a lot, but I know he’s in a better place. He died 6 weeks to the day after the Lovely Mrs. G. and I were married, a challenge that no newlyweds really should have to go through. But we came through it stronger, and I’m glad that Mrs. G. at least got to meet him (and he her) before the end.

Al was a good guy – he cared a whole lot for his family, and loved his wife a whole lot. He didn’t talk a lot, and he wasn’t a snazzy dresser or the most athletic guy ever, but he certainly knew how to catch a fish and how to fix a broken bike chain and how to forgive his son when he put a dent in his pickup.

I dream about my Dad a lot – usually in memories of family gatherings, such as dinners or Christmas. It’s nice to hear his voice in my dreams again.

There’s a whole lot I wish I could’ve shown my Dad over the last 10 years: I’d like for him to be at my college graduation next week, or to introduce him to my granddaughter. I wish he’d been around when I won the Disney trivia contest. I would’ve loved to have discussed reality TV with him – he had a perfectly snarky attitude about bad broadcasting anyway, and I think he would’ve enjoyed mocking Big Brother and Dancing with the Stars.

Death happens to everyone eventually. You can’t do much to stop it, unless you want to be frozen like Ted Williams, and then you’re still just a frostbitten head. So the best thing you can do is remember your loved ones who’ve passed on, and keep their memory alive by sharing their tales with the next generations.

Soon enough I’ll sit down and tell Baby Emmy all about her great grandfather. I hope she’ll love him like I did.

Use The Force, Tommy

Man - why didn't they have this job opening when I was a young man? I would've ROCKED in this role! Life's no fair! (Sniveling is apparently a trait of the Dark Side within me.)

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Wanted: Jedi Master With People Skills

Walt Disney Entertainment is seeking athletic actors with strong interactive skills to portray the Jedi Master in the Jedi Training Academy to be performed daily at the Disney-MGM Studios.

This will allow park Guests, both young and young at heart, to "Feel the Force" as the Jedi Master instructs them in the ancient art of wielding a Light Saber.

Auditions for applicants 18 years of age and up to be held on July 30th from 10:00am - 6:00pm

Walt Disney Entertainment

Maingate Office Complex

Audition Room

3010 Maingate Lane

Kissimmee, FL

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Go To...

DISNEYLAND!

Yes, believe it or not, your old friend Tom is on his way to Uncle Walt’s Magic Kingdom this Saturday. I’ll spent 4 glorious days and 3 fun-filled nights in Anaheim with my pals Mickey, Donald, and the gang.

How cool is that?

I’m really excited to go – I haven’t been to Disneyland in almost 8 years, the longest stretch of my life between visits. (I know, I know. I’m sorry, Uncle Walt. I really am.) Oh, sure – we’ve been to Walt Disney World 3 times since, but D-Land? That’s where I first fell in love with all this Disney jazz.

I was 7 the first time I went. I don’t remember much, except for being scared to death on the Matterhorn. My picture in the corner is from that trip – me, Mickey, and my snazzy yellow plaid circa 1972 pants.

We went back when I was 10 – it was my 10th birthday, in fact. They were doing bicentennial red-white-blue fireworks that year. I convinced myself that the fireworks were in my honor. I still believe that.

We went back again right before I turned 12. That was the year I got to go on the backstage tour at the Disney Studios in Burbank. We got to ride in Herbie the Love Bug, watch them editing a movie, and tour the prop house. By this point I was fully addicted to the stuff.

My next trip to Disneyland was in 1982, with my two sisters. My older sister arranged the trip on a shoestring budget, which meant a Motel 6 in Pasadena and lots of PB&J sandwiches in a small cooler, but I still managed to have a great time.

I went back in 1988 with the X. It was one of the few times we actually got along for 3 straight days without arguing once.

My next trip was in 1990, courtesy of McDonalds restaurants. I won a 3 day, 2 night trip in a radio contest called “McJingle Your Way to Disneyland.” I had to write (and sing) a song about the joys of eating a fat-laced, heavily salted breakfast at Mickey D’s. Oh, the ethical dilemma. But c’mon - for a free trip to Disneyland, I would’ve sang that McDonalds was manna from Heaven. The X and I took Miss Katie for the first time on this trip – she was 3 – and I about cried every time she got to experience something new. I was passing along my love of Disney to my little girl – a gift I was glad to share. And oh, the X and I didn’t make it through this trip without arguing. So much for that...

One year later, in October 1991 I won the McJingle contest again. Hooray – two for two! This time my song was set to a Billy Joel tune – “It’s Still McDonalds For Me.” For this trip I took Miss Katie with me, and we left the X at home. We all had a great time. Miss Katie was now tall enough to ride Splash Mountain, so we must've gone on it a dozen times each day.

Jump ahead to 1998 for my next trip. This was for the Disney Store’s National Trivia Showdown. They used to send the top 8 trivia minds in the country to Disneyland for the finals of the contest. I was tied for 8th place with two other people, so they had a tie-breaker round, which I won. Yeah! I ended up finishing 4th in the contest, but I still had a blast. They gave us a parade down Main Street, a backstage tour, lunch at Club 33, two days of park tickets, and a room at the Disneyland Hotel. As much as I’d always wanted to stay there, I’d never been able to afford to stay at the DL Hotel on my own, so it was a dream come true to be able to look out my hotel window and see the park. Very, very cool.

A couple of weeks after the 1998 contest the Lovely Mrs. G. and I were back in Hollywood for another contest that I’d won. (Lucky man!) We were supposed to go to a taping of The Tonight Show, but instead we blew it off and went to Disneyland instead. It was supposed to be a good time for us, but we both had nasty head colds, and by the time the sun set over the Magic Kingdom we were both well on our way to collapsing from the flu. I remember sitting with my lovely bride at the Plaza Inn restaurant, trying to muster up excitement for the fireworks. We both gave it our best effort, but by the time we crawled out of the park, we were both running pretty major fevers. Hence, I really don’t remember much about this trip. In my fever-induced delirium I even locked up my camera in the locker that day, so I don’t have a single picture to remember it by. ‘Tis a pity. Still, I got to go to Disneyland with the Lovely Mrs. G. for the first time. That part was okay.

One year later I was a Disney Store trivia contest finalist again. This time I won it all. Yee-haw! I brought the Lovely Mrs. G. and Miss Katie out to Anaheim to watch the contest, then we spent a couple of days afterwards playing in the park. I have a lovely photo of the three of us screaming down Splash Mountain (along with two petrified Japanese tourists in the back seat, holding on for dear life). It was a great weekend with my family.

And that’s it. I haven’t been back since.

But that’s all about to change. In about 48 hours from right now I’ll be on my way back out, for a trivia reunion with some of my fellow Disney Store trivia nerds – oops, I mean enthusiasts. It’ll be strange being there without my family, but I know that it won’t be long until Miss Emmy will be old enough to visit the parks, and I can have the fun of introducing another future Disney addict to the magic.

So now it’s time to say goodbye to boring old Iowa, and hello to Mickey & friends. Look out, here I come.

See you real soon!

There's Nothing Like Outstanding Service!

For many years I worked in customer service, primarily by telephone. And oh – how I wish I’d been able to do this a time or two...

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Sprint Nextel defends cutting customers

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Sprint Nextel Corp. isn't apologizing for its decision to ax customers it determined were calling customer service too often. The nation's third-largest wireless provider sent letters to about 1,000 subscribers June 29, saying the company's records showed they had made frequent calls for help with questions about billing and other account information.

"While we have worked to resolve your issues and questions to the best of our ability, the number of inquiries you have made to us during this time had led us to determine that we are unable to meet your current wireless needs," the letters said.

The customers were told their service agreements were being terminated, they wouldn't owe anything on their final bill, and the company would waive early termination fees. They also were told to switch to another wireless provider by July 30 if they want to keep their phone number.

But Sprint officials said Monday this isn't a case of someone being flagged by a computer program. "These accounts have been researched very carefully," Sprint spokeswoman Roni Singleton said. "These decisions weren't made lightly."

Singleton said the targeted subscribers each made an average of 40 to 50 calls a month to customer service. She wouldn't say how that compared with the overall number of calls logged by the customer service department in a given month.

Singleton said the review also found that the subscribers often were calling about the same problems over and over after Sprint officials felt they had resolved the issue. She said some callers were repeatedly asking for information from other customers' accounts, which customer service workers aren't allowed to divulge.

"If the average person is calling less than once per month and these people are calling 40 or 50 times more, that takes away from customer service," Singleton said. "Our priority is to improve the customer experience."

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Yes, there really are people out there with no life whatsoever who will call a customer service help desk several times a day. Let me tell you about “my special friend”, a fellow named Quinton.

Quinton used to call me upwards of 10 times a day, usually with some B.S. reason to comment and/or complain about his service. We all knew that it was just an excuse to call and chat. And boy – did he like to talk. And talk. And talk. And talk some more.

We kept a journal – “The Quinton Log” – on the wall, adding a tick mark every time he called in 1993. It added up at the end of the year to be 501 times. Seriously.

You could almost set your watch by his calls – 8:00 AM, straight up. Ring, ring. “Hi, Tommy – this is Quinton!” Oh, God – here we go again.

It was a genuine chore to get him off the phone. I’d usually have to pretend that Elvis was in the lobby or my pants were on fire in order to get him to hang up.

Plus, he’s one of those guys who has a permanent whine in his voice. You know the ones – the people who you wish you could just bitch-slap the whininess out of? That was ol’ Q-man.

The two ladies I worked with locally got to know Quinton really well, too, but me? I was his favorite. Lucky sumbitch that I am... My co-worker Gary in the other office HATED Quinton however, and made it really clear that he did not appreciate his multiple daily calls. Gary’s icy reception did the trick though, because Quinton didn’t give him nearly the grief he did me.

I put up with Quinton at first, because Every Customer Is A V.I.P. (Yeah, right. Are you buying that one?) But as time wore on, it just became more and more annoying to have him constantly in my ear. It finally came to the point where I had to do something – anything – to get rid of Quinton.

At last, my day came. He called whining once again about his service, and I spent a good hour on the phone with him...convincing him to quit our service and go with a competitor, where he was sure to be much, much happier.

You know what? He CRIED. He said it would be like betraying our friendship. He said he couldn’t do that to me.

No, no, Quinton. It’ll be okay. I’ll still respect you in the morning. Don’t go away mad – just go away.

And away he went.

He’d still call me every once in a while, just to check in to see how I was doing, but after a while Mr. Quinton faded into the background and slowly disappeared from my life.

Well, not quite completely. You see, I still sign my yearly birthday cards to Gary as “with love from Quinton”, and everyone once in a while I’ll get a mysterious e-mail from “someone” claiming to be him.

Good old Quinton. Gone, but not forgotten. No matter how hard I try.

Happy Anniversary M & D

Today is my parent’s 64th wedding anniversary. They were married in the heart of WW II, after meeting on the assembly line at Boeing. My mother was literally a “Rosie the Riveter”, and my Dad was her riveting partner. She’s always said that he had to beg and beg for weeks to get her to go out with him, but Dad once told me it really wasn’t that hard. Sly devil...

I have one picture of them from their wedding – they were oh so young, so innocent, so full of life. I like looking at that picture, trying to imagine what they were like at age 19 and 20. I didn’t get to meet them until they were both in their 40s, and by the time I was old enough to appreciate them, they were both retired and ready to drive off into the sunset in their travel trailer.

My Dad died 10 years ago this month – the emphysema finally got the best of him. Mom has been pretty lonely ever since, but she’s held up fairly well, all things considered. I’ll have to give her a call tonight to tell her Happy Anniversary, because I know that it still means a lot to her.

And when I get home I’ll have to break out that wedding photo again – just for old times sake.

Worst. Post. Ever.

I see where some 7-11 stores have been dressed up to look like Quik-E-Marts from The Simpsons.

Of course, everyone wants to know one thing: No, it’s not “Do the hot dogs contain any meat?” We already know the answer to that one.

No, everyone wants to know if Apu is working there.

Well, as someone who has dropped large amounts of cash on super nachos and Double Big Gulps at your local convenience stores, I can tell you that if it ain’t Apu, then it’s someone who looks a lot like him. Or maybe one of his work-release white cousins.

But I did find this photo online – it’s not Apu, but apparently the Comic Book Guy really digs it...

There currently aren’t any 7-11s in my area – everything here in the Midwest is either “Casey’s”, which is a really poor replica, or “Kum-n-Go”, which brings on snickering on its own.

But 7-11 was a big deal when I was growing up on the West Coast – pepperoni sticks, Slurpees, comic books, those aforementioned nachos, you name it. I bought my first lottery ticket at the 7-11 in Rainier Beach, and I once hid from a truant officer in the back of the store on Renton Avenue. (Long story.)

Ah, memories.

These days I don’t hit up the convenience stores as much as I used to, mainly because my caloric and sugar intake limits tell me that I can’t have that junk anymore. But the next time I’m out in Seattle I can promise you that I will hit one up for some Oberto pepperoni and maybe a Slurpee, if they still make them in Diet Pepsi.

And I promise to say “hello” to Apu for you, or whoever is there at the time.