The Cat Days of 2006

Yesterday was my nutty old cat Tasha’s 16th birthday. Remarkable.

Tasha, also known as The Girl Who Drools, has made good use of all nine of her lives. I bought her from a pet store when she was about 6 weeks old, in February 1991. I named her after Tasha Yar, Denise Crosby’s character on Star Trek: The Next Generation. That should give you a hint of how long ago this really was.

Tasha has been through a lot in her life – a litter of kittens, getting sucked into a moving car engine, getting lost in a dank cellar for two days when we moved, frequent kidney infections, and a nasty bout of kitty diabetes.

And yet she hangs in there.

When the vet told us she had diabetes, she said that Miss Tash would have about 1 – 3 years at most to live. That was four years ago. We have to give her insulin shots twice a day, a move that we refer to as “shooting the cat”. At first it was difficult to track her down in order to give her the shots, but once it dawned on her that a little hypodermic poke would lead to a can of food, she started coming around more often.

She’s moving a little slower these days, and sometimes she gets a bad reaction from her insulin that sends her into a bad case of shakes, but Tasha is still a part of her family. She and The Lovely Mrs. G. bonded early on, and they’ve shared a blanket on the couch ever since. Tasha and Miss Katie have also had a love/hate relationship over the years – Miss Katie was 3 when Tasha came to live with us, and after several preschool years of being dragged around like a stuffed animal, Tasha apparently surrendered the over-loving, and the two of them get along very well, especially when Miss Katie has something to eat that Tasha would like to try.

Ah, eating. Have you ever seen a cat that loves meat more? I doubt it. You name it – if it’s flesh, this cat will scarf it down. Her favorite will forever be turkey, but she also has this uncanny ability to detect a forthcoming can of tuna fish, even before it’s been taken out of the pantry. She’s also a big fan of French fries, and you can guarantee that you’ll have a helper nearby if you happen to sit down with a bag of carryout burgers and fries.

So Happy Birthday, Tasha. You’ve been a good friend over the years, and we’re glad to have you around. Now, get down off the table – you know better by now.

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

It’s a ghost town here at work this week.

Example? I sent out my usual weekly reports to the 15 people on the mailing list yesterday, and I got 14 out of office messages. The only person whom I didn’t receive an auto-reply from was also out of the office; she just forgot to set hers before the holiday.

The bad part is that with everyone gone, not much work is getting done. The nice part is that I’m finding some really good parking spaces this week. Score!

This is actually the first week in the last 5 years that we’ve been open during the week between Christmas and New Years. Between 2002 and 2005 we all received an invitation to take “a week of mandatory unpaid leave” for these 5 days. Gee, thanks.

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s timely and a good example of the highs and lows of a company's fortunes. In 1998, my first year here, our company’s Christmas party welcomed 18,000 people. 1970’s rock group “War” was the featured band. There were also comedians, pop bands, country bands, a karaoke room, tons of food, and booze a-flowing. In 1999 it was the same story, only with “Big Head Todd and the Monsters” as the headliners.

In late 2000 the company announced that oops – we weren’t nearly as profitable as they thought they’d be. The stock sank $40 a share almost overnight. The mondo huge Christmas party was still held, but only because it had been pre-paid. “REO Speedwagon” was the headliner. It was a fun night, but there was a nasty shadow over it; two days beforehand they announced that they’d soon lay off 12% of the staff in an attempt to “rightsize” the company.

By Christmas 2001, thousands of people had been laid off in multiple rounds of job cuts. We’d gone from 38,000 workers worldwide to about 20,000. Our Christmas party was a potluck. You were welcome to eat all of the food you brought yourself.

Christmas 2002, we were down from 20,000 employees to about 9,000. Most of my co-workers had received the dreaded tap on the shoulder from HR. They didn’t even mention Christmas that year, other than to tell all of us remaining employees that to save money in the 4th quarter we’d all have to take a week of unpaid leave for the holidays. Ho, ho, ho.

Fast forward to Christmas 2006. We’re currently at about 1,700 employees worldwide – a whopping 92% of my co-workers have been laid off in the past 5 years. My location, which used to be home to 10,000 workers, now houses just under 1,000. There will be no Christmas party again this year, but at least there wasn’t an unpaid Christmas shutdown instead.

The holidays will probably never be the same around here again. They’re barely mentioned anymore, and once they’re over, they’re over. I came in yesterday morning at about 7:30, and as I walked past the executive offices I noticed that the facilities department was already taking down the plastic Christmas tree in the lobby. Yep, the holidays are officially over - back on your heads!

I kind of miss the days of Christmas parties and having a little holiday spirit in the corporate air. Even though we’re all driven and dedicated and focused on profit, profit, profit 11 months a year, it was always nice to be able to relax a touch and celebrate your accomplishments of the previous year with your co-workers.

These days, people tell me about going to their company’s Christmas party or receiving a holiday bonus, and I smile – partly out of jealousy and partly out of a wish to go back to those easier, happier times.

But with any luck, by next Christmas I’ll be part of a new company, one that believes in sharing a little bit of that holiday spirit with their employees. And if not, then I’ll try to spread a little cheer on my own.

Provided that anyone is at work that day to enjoy it, that is...

Last Christmas

So this is Christmas

And what have you done

Another year over

And a new one just begun.

With apologies to the spirit of Mr. Lennon for plagiarizing/borrowing his famous lyrics, another Christmas is now over. (Sorry – the war isn’t. I guess Yoko will have to keep singing for that one.)

Anyway, Christmas 2006 was a success in the Gressel household. It was nice & quiet, the way I like it. Three days of eating, sleeping, and relaxing. Not a bad way to spend a holiday.

But it was also a strange Christmas – strange in the knowledge that our lives are going to be completely different by next Christmas. If things go as we expect, Christmas 2007 will be celebrated in a new home, in a new state, and with a brand new family member seated in a high chair across from us. We’ll have a new house, new jobs, new friends, new priorities, new goals, and a new baby to celebrate. (No, it’s not The Lovely Mrs. G. and I; it’ll be our first grandchild. How freaky sounding is that???)

It was a tad sad/strange to know that this would be our last Christmas in our little house on the Iowa prairie. We’ve had 7 Christmases here; each one special in its own way. And I’m sure we’ll have a lifetime of good times and memories in our new place, and with any luck I’ll be able to go out to the backyard for a swim after dinner, provided I’m not in need of my usual post-food nap, that is. (Do they still recommend waiting 90 minutes after eating?)

And of course the Big News is that Miss Katie is expecting. So 2007 promises to make grandparents out of Mrs. G and I, although we’d prefer to be known as “Her Majesty” and “The Man” instead of the traditional “Grandma” and “Grandpa”. Because won’t it be fun to hear a precious little child call out, “Her Majesty, can I have some candy?” or “I can’t come out and play. The Man says I have to clean my room.” It’ll be HI-larious, and something our grandchild will be able to tell his or her grandchildren some day...

For the most part, 2006 was a rough year for us. We had a lot of ups and downs, but we’re going to come out on the other side better, stronger, and hopefully saner. Here’s to hoping that 2007 is much, much smoother. Of course, 2007 will include an interstate move, two new career options, and a new baby in our household, so we’ll try to keep it as smooth as possible.

So here’s to the New Year. May it be filled with lots of laughs and the knowledge that life is going to be much, much different. In the meantime, we can all start be looking forward to next Christmas.

Speaking of which, have you taken down your decorations yet? C’mon – you’d better get on it, if you’re going to get your Valentines decorations up by midweek...

And we’ll have to see if we can find another Lennon/Ono song to mark the occasion.

The Last Ones on the Block

Well, the Lovely Mrs. G. and I finally broke down last night and conformed with the holidays. Yes, we bought a Christmas tree. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Isn't that how the saying goes?

I know, I know. It’s a little late, but at least it’s not *too* late, now is it? And besides – it’s better than most of our neighbors, who had their plastic trees up and lit by November 1.

But it wasn’t just a holiday blend of sugar plums, apathy, and procrastination that led to us not having a tree until now. We really do have a good excuse for waiting until the last minute. You see, we were on vacation in sunny Florida. We spent 11 glorious days looking at palm trees instead.

So instead of having a Christmas tree waiting at home for us, shedding needles in despair over being all alone (except for the cats; one of whom likes to sleep under it, and the other who likes to bat ornaments around the living room), we decided it was best to hold off until we came back.

(And no – this picture isn’t of our tree. It’s a photo I took last week of one at Walt Disney World, where it was truly odd to see Christmas trees and Santa and artificial snow when it’s 80 degrees outside.)

So now that we’re home from Paradise, last night we became the proud owners of yet another spectacular Christmas tree. But we just about missed our little window of holiday opportunity.

The Lovely Mrs. G. and I showed up at the Bomgaar’s store, a local hardware/farm implement/tractor lovers chain. Bomgaar’s carries a little bit of everything: Plants, mulch, power tools, barbed wire, live chicks and ducks in the spring, udder tone, stale candy, 48 varieties of bib overalls, two aisles of John Deere tractor toys (seriously), and yes – Christmas trees.

Only by the time we arrived last night there weren’t that many trees left to choose from. In fact, there were probably only about 10 left, none of which were taller than 6 feet.

Well, since the pickin’s were thin, we took the tallest one that looked the most healthy, paid the 25% off closeout price, and strapped it to the top of Mrs. G’s SUV. In, out, paid for, and gone in 5 minutes. Now that’s Christmas shopping at it’s best!

So now we’re properly Christmas’ed. Our tree is in place, properly lit and decorated, and it’s looking pretty darn nice.

As for how long it’ll remain in our house, well that’s to be determined. It would be a shame to take it down only 8 days after being welcomed inside, wouldn’t it? Still, I’d rather not be enjoying the Christmas tree on Valentines day, so I guess the time frame will have to remain relatively short.

But for now, it’s all good.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Forget the winter solstice. Today is going to be the longest day of the year for me.

Let me explain – and I assure you that before long you will say “Ooooh – one of THOSE days.”

For kids, it’s the day before their birthday and/or Christmas eve.
For CPAs, it’s April 14.
For football fans, it’s Superbowl Saturday.
For drunken adults, it’s December 30.

It’s that Day Before Syndrome. The day before something very cool/exciting/special is supposed to happen. And today is mine.

You see, today is the last day I have to work before vacation. Technically we’re not leaving until after the Lovely Mrs. G. gets home from work tomorrow evening (I’m taking the day off to wrap up the last of my college classes for the semester), and our plane doesn’t leave until 6:00 AM Thursday, but this is the last shift I need to sit at work and daydream. By this time Friday it’ll all be a Walt Disney World reality.

I’ve commented about this before, but it bears repeating. I’m a huge Disney fan, and I’m not afraid to admit it. If I intend on remaining young forever and never growing up, I can’t think of a better way to do it. Uncle Walt’s company has brought me a lot of happiness over the years, and the 4.5 years I spent working for The Mouse was indeed magical.

It’s been almost 6 years since the Lovely Mrs. G. and I have been to WDW, but I fully intend on making up for lost time. We’ve got 8 day park passes, a decent pair of running shoes, and enough caffeine tablets to keep us going from sunrise until well after dark.

Okay, it won’t be that fast paced. I’ve promised Mrs. G. that I’ll reign in my “Commando” park attack method a little bit. She doubts that I’ll be able to do it – she calls me the Disney Nazi – but I’m certainly going to try to lower my excitement eagerness level to a mere rapid boil.

Okay, at least I’ll try. But if you do happen to be in Orlando over the next week and see a grown man strapped into one of those toddler leash getups, you’ll know why.

In the meantime, can I make it through the next 8+ hours of work without going insane? We’ll see. I have plenty to do today, so there ought to be enough distractions to keep my mind off the clock.

But at 5:00.01 all you’ll see of dear ol’ Tommy is a trail of dust. It’ll be just like the commercial:

“Tom Gressel – you and your lovely bride have just won a free pass away from work for a week and half. What are you going to do next?”

I think we all know the answer...