It's a Dirty Job

As you may recall, the Lovely Mrs. G. and I were recently in Las Vegas, where we had the honor and privilege to attend an evening at the National Pro Cowboy Association's big bad rodeo.

The Wrangler National Finals Rodeo is the Super Bowl of bull riding, bronco busting, calf roping, and other assorted cowboy-related sports. (No, spitting tobacco wasn't an official sport. Neither was mass consumption of Coors Light, but that didn't stop many people from playing along.)

Now, I have to fully admit that I am not a cowboy. In fact, I'm probably about the furthest away from being a cowboy in the entire Midwest. I have no 10-gallon hat, and I have no boots. I drive a convertible, and not a Dodge pickup. I own no Garth Brooks CDs, and I can't stand Shania Twain. I do own a pair of Wranglers, but they're used to keep me from being arrested for public exposure at work, and not to protect me while I buck hay or dodge a charging bull.

So I'm a city slicker, and damn proud of it. But I do appreciate a good rodeo, although I silently root for the bull sometimes.

As far as the rodeo itself went, we had a great time. The bills were ornery, the broncos bucked high, and the crowd was rowdy. What more could you hope for?

Anyway, this being a commercial operation, there was naturally a whole lot of souvenirs for sale. PRCA logoed t-shirts, jackets, hats, bibs for the kiddies, collector's coins, and even a $775 limited edition belt buckle, if you so desire. It may not be the size of a hubcap, but it's sure to impress your cowpoke buddies.

But the strangest thing for sale has got to be…this.

Yes, it's a plastic jar of dirt.

For 10 bucks, you too can buy some authentic PRCA rodeo soil, fresh from underneath the bull's hooves. (Cowboy blood and bull snot not guaranteed.)

Now, what exactly you'd do with a rectangle of cowboy dirt is anyone's guess. Use it as a paperweight? Put it in your display case, next to the unopened six pack of Billy Beer? Use it to threaten your herd? ("Y'all better behave, or else I'm gonna get the dirt!")

It just seems like a weird thing to buy, especially if you're picking it up as a gift.

Here's how the pro rodeo merchandise website describes this unique specialty item:

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Relive the glory of the 50th Anniversary Wrangler National Finals Rodeo with this new Official WNFR 50th Anniversary Arena Dirt collector's item! This unique Wrangler National Finals Rodeo keepsake comes straight from the rodeo arena floor - and straight to your door! Relive the 2008 WNFR in Las Vegas with an item that all rodeo fans will be envious of - real arena dirt from the competitor's arena. Container measures 3"x1"x1" and contains real dirt from the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, where this year's rodeo champions were crowned. Don't miss out on this awesome collector's item - order your's today!

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So it's a collector's item, huh? Does that mean there's only a limited number of these things? I saw that arena – there was a whole lot of dirt in there. Who's to say that they didn't make 10 gazillion tubes of topsoil? Where's the resale value in that?

I also like how they say that you'll "relive the 2008 WNFR with an item that all rodeo fans will be envious of." Well, as a rodeo fan, I promise you that I will never covet your tube of dirt. You have my word on it.

But what if you do buy one of these? Does that make you less than a wise cookie? Ummmm, let's just put it this way. If you're nutty enough to drop a sawbuck on a box of collectible DIRT, then you have no right to ever make fun of Star Trek geeks again.

So there you have it – a suitable gift for the person who has everything. Literally.

I must admit that I didn't buy any PRCA licensed merchandise while in Vegas – it was all too expensive and too…much for a city boy like me.

But I did come home with a couple of new Mickey Mouse t-shirts from the Disney outlet in town, so I really can't make that much fun of dirt buying cowboys, can I? I mean, talk about calling the campfire bean pot black.

Still – I'd never consider buying a scoop of Disneyland's dirt in a collector's edition plexi-glass case…

…unless I could get a good deal on it.