It's a good thing I kept the receipt for Eminem's crock pot...

Poor Shim Shady. His days must just be PACKED!

Marry da bitch.
Divorce da bitch.
Write songs about killin’ da bitch.
Marry da bitch.
Divorce da bitch.

Geez, some guys have hobbies that don’t include a lawyer and court proceedings…. Try golf, perhaps. Have you read “The Color Purple” yet? If not, perhaps you just need a comfy couch and a warm cat to get started! Maybe you could take cooking lessons with Fiddy or Dre. Heck, I bet Martha Stewart might even invite you over for a lovely game of Scrabble, if you ask nicely and refrain from cussing in her presence.

See, Em? There are tons of fun things to do that don’t involve marrying and then divorcing Kim over and over again. It’s just a suggestion.

And hey -- at least call Angelina Jolie first next time…