6 Months of Birthday Fun!
Get this.
How incredibly, overwhelmingly, unbelievably f’ing cheap is my employer?
They’re SOOOOOO incredibly, overwhelmingly, unbelievably f’ing cheap that come this Friday, they’ve invited us to stop by for birthday cake. This birthday cake is meant to celebrate everyone’s birthdays...FOR SIX MONTHS.
That’s right – in order to cut costs, this one cheap grocery store cake is intended to celebrate the births of every single employee born between January 1 and June 30. One cake = six months.
Cheap, cheap.
They sent out an e-mail today to wish us all Happy Birthday! – come celebrate your special day (whenever in the next few months it may be) with a small slice of cake. Just play along and pretend that it’s actually your birthday, will you? That’s the team player spirit!
I really hope they’re not going to try writing everyone’s name on one little cake. The poor decorator would probably get a cramp trying to squeeze in 6 months worth of names. (On second thought, the baker would probably charge extra for that, so we can be fairly certain that they’ll skip that formality.)
Back in the “olden days” (when we weren’t a bare-bones tightwad company and before they laid off 92 percent of the staff), they used to have monthly birthday cakes for each department. It was a nice gesture, and half the time the cakes weren’t that bad.
But nowadays, they’ve cut costs so deep that they can’t spring the $14.95 a month for a cake for those who actually have a birthday in the current month. So instead they’re buying one cake, and letting it cover 6 months in one shot. I suppose it’s better than nothing, but not by much...
To be totally honest, I really don’t care about the stupid cake. I made enough of them in my bakery years, and I really don’t enjoy generic store-made cakes coated in thick sugary icing. I probably won’t even go over and have any.
But what does bug me (besides the cheapness, as you’ve probably assumed) is the fact that I have to celebrate my birthday on March 31, a good 12 weeks before my actual birthday. It’s a long way off until June 24, and they’re trying to force my 41st birthday on me NOW??? Hell, I’m still not fully accustomed to being 40 – now I have to bump my birthday up 3 months, just to accommodate their 6-month birthday cake?
So what’s next? Maybe for the Fourth of July, instead of a picnic we can just rub our eyes really hard until we see fireworks.
Or maybe for Halloween they can just buy one Hershey bar, then when the kids come by for trick-or-treating, they can just take a cheese grater and shave off a little piece for each of the little goblins. Just think of the money we’ll save on fun-sized bars!
Rumor is that for Christmas this year they’re just going to buy one card. We can then take turns reading it and absorbing the warm holiday greetings, then pass it along to the guy in the next cubicle. Then as an added bonus they’ll make us all take a week of unpaid leave again. Ho, ho, ho indeed.
Just look at how cost conscious we’ve become! Why, the savings alone should be enough to let the executives have that long golf weekend (oops – I mean “offsite training seminar”) in Palm Springs they’ve been dying for!
Oyvey.
But back to the March 31 birthday cake for all of us poor bastards born in the previous/next three months. Forget it. Call me in June and tell me Happy Birthday then, if you wish. I refuse to grow older any sooner than I absolutely have to.
Perhaps I’ll go pick up a piece of cake and set it aside until June. God knows it probably won’t taste any worse after 3 months.
Nah. That’ll just make me look like a cheapskate.
How incredibly, overwhelmingly, unbelievably f’ing cheap is my employer?
They’re SOOOOOO incredibly, overwhelmingly, unbelievably f’ing cheap that come this Friday, they’ve invited us to stop by for birthday cake. This birthday cake is meant to celebrate everyone’s birthdays...FOR SIX MONTHS.
That’s right – in order to cut costs, this one cheap grocery store cake is intended to celebrate the births of every single employee born between January 1 and June 30. One cake = six months.
Cheap, cheap.
They sent out an e-mail today to wish us all Happy Birthday! – come celebrate your special day (whenever in the next few months it may be) with a small slice of cake. Just play along and pretend that it’s actually your birthday, will you? That’s the team player spirit!
I really hope they’re not going to try writing everyone’s name on one little cake. The poor decorator would probably get a cramp trying to squeeze in 6 months worth of names. (On second thought, the baker would probably charge extra for that, so we can be fairly certain that they’ll skip that formality.)
Back in the “olden days” (when we weren’t a bare-bones tightwad company and before they laid off 92 percent of the staff), they used to have monthly birthday cakes for each department. It was a nice gesture, and half the time the cakes weren’t that bad.
But nowadays, they’ve cut costs so deep that they can’t spring the $14.95 a month for a cake for those who actually have a birthday in the current month. So instead they’re buying one cake, and letting it cover 6 months in one shot. I suppose it’s better than nothing, but not by much...
To be totally honest, I really don’t care about the stupid cake. I made enough of them in my bakery years, and I really don’t enjoy generic store-made cakes coated in thick sugary icing. I probably won’t even go over and have any.
But what does bug me (besides the cheapness, as you’ve probably assumed) is the fact that I have to celebrate my birthday on March 31, a good 12 weeks before my actual birthday. It’s a long way off until June 24, and they’re trying to force my 41st birthday on me NOW??? Hell, I’m still not fully accustomed to being 40 – now I have to bump my birthday up 3 months, just to accommodate their 6-month birthday cake?
So what’s next? Maybe for the Fourth of July, instead of a picnic we can just rub our eyes really hard until we see fireworks.
Or maybe for Halloween they can just buy one Hershey bar, then when the kids come by for trick-or-treating, they can just take a cheese grater and shave off a little piece for each of the little goblins. Just think of the money we’ll save on fun-sized bars!
Rumor is that for Christmas this year they’re just going to buy one card. We can then take turns reading it and absorbing the warm holiday greetings, then pass it along to the guy in the next cubicle. Then as an added bonus they’ll make us all take a week of unpaid leave again. Ho, ho, ho indeed.
Just look at how cost conscious we’ve become! Why, the savings alone should be enough to let the executives have that long golf weekend (oops – I mean “offsite training seminar”) in Palm Springs they’ve been dying for!
Oyvey.
But back to the March 31 birthday cake for all of us poor bastards born in the previous/next three months. Forget it. Call me in June and tell me Happy Birthday then, if you wish. I refuse to grow older any sooner than I absolutely have to.
Perhaps I’ll go pick up a piece of cake and set it aside until June. God knows it probably won’t taste any worse after 3 months.
Nah. That’ll just make me look like a cheapskate.
posted by Tommy G at
2:19 PM
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