Something For Nothing
Today is Swag Day at my employer. Cheapskates of America (and in particular, Iowa), REJOICE!
Once every quarter or so my employer allows outside vendors to come in and set up a “technology fair” to show off their latest products to the sales reps, in the hopes that they’ll then sell their crap to the masses. Technically, these product demos are intended primarily for the sales divisions, but everyone company wide can’t resist the opportunity of stopping by to check out what the vendors are pushing.
Why? Because the give crap away.
It really doesn’t matter what it is that they’re giving away, as long as it's free. Although, in the past there have been some fairly decent “gimmes”. In the past we’ve actually walked away with padded mouse pads and wrist guards (I actually still use mine), screwdriver sets, leather computer cases, stuffed animals for the kiddies, flashlights, denim shirts, computer monitor cleaning kits (actually quite useful!), and other semi-worthwhile items of junk du jour.
Today’s Swag Crapfest included:
Embroidered baseball caps (no team – just the company name)
Burlap book bags
Leatherette CD visors for your car
Playing cards from two different vendors
Logoed notepads
Logoed Bic pens
Logoed cartons of mints
Logoed folding reusable lunch bags
Logoed Yellow highlighters attached to a string to wear around your neck
Logoed oversized paperclips/undersized money clips
A plastic disk with a short cable attached, which had an honest-to-God roach clip on the end. Yes, a roach clip. Break out the Pink Floyd, kids – they’re passing out paraphernalia! (We couldn’t come up with another possible use for this useless thing, other than the obvious-yet-illegal…)
So you stand there for a few minutes, try to pretend that you’re really interested in what the vendor is saying, then wait for your freebie, hands out. It’s just that easy to come home with worthless crap you never knew you wanted!
It’s kind of amazing to watch. Slap your company name on any piece of cheap junk, then sit back and wait for the scrounges to come slobber all over your stuff, in the hopes you’ll give them one of your mostly-useless swag prizes.
The people here just love vendor days. “What is it? Never mind – gimme two of ‘em!” An oversized pad of bright pink Post-it notes with your company’s logo covering 80 percent of the writing space? Gimme! A glow in the dark combination ink pen/calculator/emergency beacon? Gimme, Gimme! A 5 gallon bucket of dog crap with your logo on both the lid and bucket and a matching shovel/scoop/hand blender? Oooh, Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
I watched two of my team members just go to town on the swag this morning – they took stuff that they’ll never use, have no real need for, and in the case of the roach clip, has no practical (read: legal) use. But what the hell – it was FREE!
Still, let him without sin cast the first stone, right? I’ll admit that I now have in my possession one of those leatherette CD visors. And a deck of cards. And I could always use a new notepad. But that’s it. I swear.
And I didn’t pick up a roach clip. Honestly – a guy has to draw the line on his swagging somewhere, doesn’t he?
Once every quarter or so my employer allows outside vendors to come in and set up a “technology fair” to show off their latest products to the sales reps, in the hopes that they’ll then sell their crap to the masses. Technically, these product demos are intended primarily for the sales divisions, but everyone company wide can’t resist the opportunity of stopping by to check out what the vendors are pushing.
Why? Because the give crap away.
It really doesn’t matter what it is that they’re giving away, as long as it's free. Although, in the past there have been some fairly decent “gimmes”. In the past we’ve actually walked away with padded mouse pads and wrist guards (I actually still use mine), screwdriver sets, leather computer cases, stuffed animals for the kiddies, flashlights, denim shirts, computer monitor cleaning kits (actually quite useful!), and other semi-worthwhile items of junk du jour.
Today’s Swag Crapfest included:
Embroidered baseball caps (no team – just the company name)
Burlap book bags
Leatherette CD visors for your car
Playing cards from two different vendors
Logoed notepads
Logoed Bic pens
Logoed cartons of mints
Logoed folding reusable lunch bags
Logoed Yellow highlighters attached to a string to wear around your neck
Logoed oversized paperclips/undersized money clips
A plastic disk with a short cable attached, which had an honest-to-God roach clip on the end. Yes, a roach clip. Break out the Pink Floyd, kids – they’re passing out paraphernalia! (We couldn’t come up with another possible use for this useless thing, other than the obvious-yet-illegal…)
So you stand there for a few minutes, try to pretend that you’re really interested in what the vendor is saying, then wait for your freebie, hands out. It’s just that easy to come home with worthless crap you never knew you wanted!
It’s kind of amazing to watch. Slap your company name on any piece of cheap junk, then sit back and wait for the scrounges to come slobber all over your stuff, in the hopes you’ll give them one of your mostly-useless swag prizes.
The people here just love vendor days. “What is it? Never mind – gimme two of ‘em!” An oversized pad of bright pink Post-it notes with your company’s logo covering 80 percent of the writing space? Gimme! A glow in the dark combination ink pen/calculator/emergency beacon? Gimme, Gimme! A 5 gallon bucket of dog crap with your logo on both the lid and bucket and a matching shovel/scoop/hand blender? Oooh, Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
I watched two of my team members just go to town on the swag this morning – they took stuff that they’ll never use, have no real need for, and in the case of the roach clip, has no practical (read: legal) use. But what the hell – it was FREE!
Still, let him without sin cast the first stone, right? I’ll admit that I now have in my possession one of those leatherette CD visors. And a deck of cards. And I could always use a new notepad. But that’s it. I swear.
And I didn’t pick up a roach clip. Honestly – a guy has to draw the line on his swagging somewhere, doesn’t he?
posted by Tommy G at
10:56 AM
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