Looking Out For Number Two

So here’s something you don’t see everyday…

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Late Grateful Dead Leader's Toilet Stolen

The long, strange trip continues for Jerry Garcia's toilet. Police say the Grateful Dead leader's commode was stolen recently from a driveway along with three other toilets and a bidet, The Press Democrat newspaper reported Saturday.

Garcia's salmon-colored toilet was the subject of a legal battle before it was finally moved to Sonoma, to await shipment to a Canadian casino.

It's unclear if the toilet was swiped by a wayward Deadhead or a thief remodeling a bathroom. Police have no suspects or leads.

Last month, Henry Koltys sold the Grateful Dead singer's toilet for $2,550 to online casino Goldenpalace.com, which planned to use it as part of a traveling marketing exhibit. The casino is offering a $250 reward for its return.

Koltys said Friday that the toilet once stood in the master bathroom of Garcia, who died in 1995 at age 53. "It would have been his personal head," he said.

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And that – ladies and gentlemen – is why you just can’t have nice things anymore.

What’s with the world today when everyone wants to crap where a celebrity crapped? I know I certainly wouldn’t pay $2,500 bucks for Jerry Garcia’s used toidy. Maybe the buyer thought he’d check the plumbing to see if there was a stash still half-flushed down there? I mean, it’s not like ol’ Jer is going to need his W.C. again anytime soon – the dude’s been worm chow for 10 years now. But still – to swipe a dead guy’s potty, just to say you have it? That's not nice.

And why Golden Palace thinks anyone would want to come see a tour of Jerry Garcia’s throne…oh, wait. There probably is some very lonely fan out there who’d think it was the greatest exhibit ever. “Look, honey – see that little stain? That’s where Jerry puked after eating too much ice cream and hash brownies in '75!”

So please – if you’re the despicable thief who walked away with Jerry Garcia’s john, for the love of all things sanitized for your protection, please bring it back. Someone is waiting to go, and they probably can’t hold out much longer.