Doh! Simpson College Wants Me!
I have just 94 days to go until I graduate from college with my AA in Business Administration. Hooray! 24 years after I started the damn thing, I’ll finally be done. Who says that procrastination lasts forever???
Anyway, one of the perks of being an upcoming college grad with a significantly high GPA (4.0, boys and girls!) is that every other college around wants you to come there to continue your education. I mean, what’s the fun of having only ONE set of student loans when you can have TWO, right?
Practically daily I receive an e-mail, snail mail, or the occasional phone call from a 20-something college recruiter, trying to talk me into coming to their outstanding institute of higher learning.
Most of the schools that have contacted me have been here in Iowa, but a few have been out of state – South Dakota, Colorado, Illinois, and even Tulane University in New Orleans. In fact, the nice people at Tulane have written to me more than all of the other colleges combined. Gee, do you suppose they’re desperate for some enrollment down there?
Most of the correspondence has been very professional, but it’s this one school that just doesn’t seem to focus their marketing to age demographics very well. Take a look at this latest e-mail as an example.
The last Simpson College letter I received at home invited me to bring my PARENTS to an upcoming open house for a tour. My Dad died 10 years ago, my Mom is 83 years old, and I haven’t lived at home since the Reagan administration, which is ironic, since that’s probably when most of these “advisors” were born.
I mock because it’s funny. I’m not an 18 year old kid - I’m an (almost) 42 year old husband/father with 20 years of work experience, a mortgage, a car payment, a head full of gray hair, and no real desire to live in a dorm. (I really don’t want to spend my weekends being nagged to buy beer for my floormates, and I don’t need some sloshed freshman younger than my daughter telling me that I’m “hot”, right before she pukes on my shoes.)
I guess that I’m just not cut out for full time campus life any longer. College football holds no real interest to me, and I’m not about to be one of those idiots who paints his body blue and then runs around shirtless when it’s 10 below, all in the name of “school spirit”. I don’t play hacky-sack, I couldn’t begin to name more than one pop musician that I can actually stand, and I’m afraid that my deep rooted cynicism for the apathy of today’s youth would stand out like a cold sore on Paris Hilton’s lip.
So I think that if I do decide to go back to college again for even more smarts-to-go, I’ll remain as an outside non-traditional student. That way I can live at home (with my lovely wife and cranky old cats, and not my parents), drink my own legally-purchased adult beverages, and watch professional sports at my own leisure, from the warmth and comfort of my sofa.
That I paid for.
In cash.
From my real job.
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Anyway, one of the perks of being an upcoming college grad with a significantly high GPA (4.0, boys and girls!) is that every other college around wants you to come there to continue your education. I mean, what’s the fun of having only ONE set of student loans when you can have TWO, right?
Practically daily I receive an e-mail, snail mail, or the occasional phone call from a 20-something college recruiter, trying to talk me into coming to their outstanding institute of higher learning.
Most of the schools that have contacted me have been here in Iowa, but a few have been out of state – South Dakota, Colorado, Illinois, and even Tulane University in New Orleans. In fact, the nice people at Tulane have written to me more than all of the other colleges combined. Gee, do you suppose they’re desperate for some enrollment down there?
Most of the correspondence has been very professional, but it’s this one school that just doesn’t seem to focus their marketing to age demographics very well. Take a look at this latest e-mail as an example.
The last Simpson College letter I received at home invited me to bring my PARENTS to an upcoming open house for a tour. My Dad died 10 years ago, my Mom is 83 years old, and I haven’t lived at home since the Reagan administration, which is ironic, since that’s probably when most of these “advisors” were born.
I mock because it’s funny. I’m not an 18 year old kid - I’m an (almost) 42 year old husband/father with 20 years of work experience, a mortgage, a car payment, a head full of gray hair, and no real desire to live in a dorm. (I really don’t want to spend my weekends being nagged to buy beer for my floormates, and I don’t need some sloshed freshman younger than my daughter telling me that I’m “hot”, right before she pukes on my shoes.)
I guess that I’m just not cut out for full time campus life any longer. College football holds no real interest to me, and I’m not about to be one of those idiots who paints his body blue and then runs around shirtless when it’s 10 below, all in the name of “school spirit”. I don’t play hacky-sack, I couldn’t begin to name more than one pop musician that I can actually stand, and I’m afraid that my deep rooted cynicism for the apathy of today’s youth would stand out like a cold sore on Paris Hilton’s lip.
So I think that if I do decide to go back to college again for even more smarts-to-go, I’ll remain as an outside non-traditional student. That way I can live at home (with my lovely wife and cranky old cats, and not my parents), drink my own legally-purchased adult beverages, and watch professional sports at my own leisure, from the warmth and comfort of my sofa.
That I paid for.
In cash.
From my real job.
Rah! Rah! Rah!
posted by Tommy G at
10:06 PM
1 Comments:
Hello Tommy. Well, I guess I'll have to take credit for sending you this email. Of course, I'd like to remove you from any future emails. I'm having problems locating your account just using the first name Tommy, so if you could please send me the email address where you received it I will gladly take care of it. Thank you much! Beth
beth.peck@simpson.edu
By
Dreams and Designs, at 10:09 AM
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