How the Mighty Have Fallen
I went to the world's worst restaurant for lunch today - my employer's cafeteria. I usually avoid eating in there, but I really wanted a salad, and figured that helping myself to a bowl from the salad bar was relatively harmless.
So while I'm in there, adding some really hot red onions and semi-soggy green peppers to the lettuce, I look over behind the grill station to see who is working today. Being a crappy outsourced cafeteria, they tend to have revolving workers, most of whom look like they're on work release from the Woodbury County jail.
Anyway, I glance over, and just about dropped my croutons when I saw who was working there, plating up limp macaroni and cheese.
It was Doug.
Now, I realize that my telling you "it was Doug" will mean absolutely nothing to you, so allow me to elaborate. I worked with Doug at this very same company about 9 years ago. We weren't on the same team, but thanks to the power of cross-training I had to spend more than my fair share with ol' Dougie. And while I wish I can tell you that I enjoyed my time interacting with him, that would be a great big Pinocchio-sized lie.
You see, Doug was a pompous ass. (And that's being kind.) He was rude, he was arrogant, and he was unclean. (Bathing regularly and using strange elixirs such as "laundry soap" and "deodorant" were foreign concepts to him.) He was a senior technician at the time, and he used his 5 ounces of authority to heft around his 350 pound frame, making sure to make everyone's day a living hell. EVERYBODY hated working with him.
Doug was also one of those guys who thought he was set for life. He had his semi-supervisory title, a little bit of knowledge in his field of expertise, a solid, consistent work schedule, stock options, 3 weeks of PTO every year, and very little to do, besides criticize the work of others. He didn't work very hard, because he didn't have to. After all, that's what the underlings were for, right? So he rested on his laurels, took the easy route, and assumed he was going to be okay, no matter what.
Oops. Wrong assumption.
When our employer's world crashed down hard in 2001 and 2002, Doug (and several thousand of our co-workers) found themselves on the receiving end of the proverbial pink slip. It was one fell swoop - poof, they were gone, replaced by technicians in India for less than one fifth the price. The staff (both those remaining, like me, and those just laid off) went through the usual shock that a major shakeup like this produces, but eventually reality settled in for most everybody, and they took the steps needed to get on with their lives.
But not Doug. For the next couple of years I'd see him in the front lobby every time they had a job fair. (Some departments started hiring again, but technical support was long gone.) He still had that same swagger going - the arrogant look of someone who thinks that his bowels only produce gold bars. He never dressed up for the interviews, he still didn't look like he'd bathed, and he still joked with people who knew him that "it was only a matter of days" before he'd be back, bigger and badder than ever. Just you wait and see.
The last time that I saw Doug was about 4 years ago. This is, until this afternoon, where he was now wearing a green apron, a hairnet, and plastic gloves, and serving up slop on a paper plate.
Now, a very small part of me really wanted to walk up to him, point, and laugh. "Ha, ha! Nice hairnet, you poor miserable bastard!" But that would have been unnecessary and exceptionally mean, don't you think? So I kept my manners and didn't do anything that rude.
Besides, Doug doesn’t need me to tell him that he's sunk mighty low. You could see it all over his face - embarrassment, shame, defeat. He'd cut his hair since I last saw him, and it looked like he maybe had showered recently, but you could read his facial expression and know everything there was to know.
The Mighty Dougie had definitely struck out.
In today's ever-changing workforce, it's critical to do three things: 1) Be prepared for change, 2) Keep your skills tip-top, and 3) Never, ever assume that you're the golden boy; the one who is totally invincible from the evils of restructuring. There's a reason why I work full time and go to school at night, and there's a reason why I work so hard to know everything there is to know about our industry. I work my butt off to learn everything that I can, and I'm constantly looking to see what other opportunities are out there for a person with my skills, abilities, wit, charm, eloquence, and handsome good looks. (Yeah, pile it on, Gressel! Pile it on!)
Seriously though, your career path is totally up to you. Employers aren't going to hold your hand and guide you through 40 years of guaranteed service any longer. You have to make your own magic, and be ready to use it when the need arises.
Me? I'm ready. And with a little hard work and a sprinkling of pixie dust, I'll be able to make my leap into the next chapter of my career within the next four or five months. As for Doug though, I'm afraid he looks to be forever embedded in a world filled with tater tot casserole and heat & eat entrees.
The world is your oyster - it's up to you to search for the pearl, or be stuck grinding shells. (How's that for an analogy?) Take it from me: make your own magic, and you’ll be much, much happier.
So while I'm in there, adding some really hot red onions and semi-soggy green peppers to the lettuce, I look over behind the grill station to see who is working today. Being a crappy outsourced cafeteria, they tend to have revolving workers, most of whom look like they're on work release from the Woodbury County jail.
Anyway, I glance over, and just about dropped my croutons when I saw who was working there, plating up limp macaroni and cheese.
It was Doug.
Now, I realize that my telling you "it was Doug" will mean absolutely nothing to you, so allow me to elaborate. I worked with Doug at this very same company about 9 years ago. We weren't on the same team, but thanks to the power of cross-training I had to spend more than my fair share with ol' Dougie. And while I wish I can tell you that I enjoyed my time interacting with him, that would be a great big Pinocchio-sized lie.
You see, Doug was a pompous ass. (And that's being kind.) He was rude, he was arrogant, and he was unclean. (Bathing regularly and using strange elixirs such as "laundry soap" and "deodorant" were foreign concepts to him.) He was a senior technician at the time, and he used his 5 ounces of authority to heft around his 350 pound frame, making sure to make everyone's day a living hell. EVERYBODY hated working with him.
Doug was also one of those guys who thought he was set for life. He had his semi-supervisory title, a little bit of knowledge in his field of expertise, a solid, consistent work schedule, stock options, 3 weeks of PTO every year, and very little to do, besides criticize the work of others. He didn't work very hard, because he didn't have to. After all, that's what the underlings were for, right? So he rested on his laurels, took the easy route, and assumed he was going to be okay, no matter what.
Oops. Wrong assumption.
When our employer's world crashed down hard in 2001 and 2002, Doug (and several thousand of our co-workers) found themselves on the receiving end of the proverbial pink slip. It was one fell swoop - poof, they were gone, replaced by technicians in India for less than one fifth the price. The staff (both those remaining, like me, and those just laid off) went through the usual shock that a major shakeup like this produces, but eventually reality settled in for most everybody, and they took the steps needed to get on with their lives.
But not Doug. For the next couple of years I'd see him in the front lobby every time they had a job fair. (Some departments started hiring again, but technical support was long gone.) He still had that same swagger going - the arrogant look of someone who thinks that his bowels only produce gold bars. He never dressed up for the interviews, he still didn't look like he'd bathed, and he still joked with people who knew him that "it was only a matter of days" before he'd be back, bigger and badder than ever. Just you wait and see.
The last time that I saw Doug was about 4 years ago. This is, until this afternoon, where he was now wearing a green apron, a hairnet, and plastic gloves, and serving up slop on a paper plate.
Now, a very small part of me really wanted to walk up to him, point, and laugh. "Ha, ha! Nice hairnet, you poor miserable bastard!" But that would have been unnecessary and exceptionally mean, don't you think? So I kept my manners and didn't do anything that rude.
Besides, Doug doesn’t need me to tell him that he's sunk mighty low. You could see it all over his face - embarrassment, shame, defeat. He'd cut his hair since I last saw him, and it looked like he maybe had showered recently, but you could read his facial expression and know everything there was to know.
The Mighty Dougie had definitely struck out.
In today's ever-changing workforce, it's critical to do three things: 1) Be prepared for change, 2) Keep your skills tip-top, and 3) Never, ever assume that you're the golden boy; the one who is totally invincible from the evils of restructuring. There's a reason why I work full time and go to school at night, and there's a reason why I work so hard to know everything there is to know about our industry. I work my butt off to learn everything that I can, and I'm constantly looking to see what other opportunities are out there for a person with my skills, abilities, wit, charm, eloquence, and handsome good looks. (Yeah, pile it on, Gressel! Pile it on!)
Seriously though, your career path is totally up to you. Employers aren't going to hold your hand and guide you through 40 years of guaranteed service any longer. You have to make your own magic, and be ready to use it when the need arises.
Me? I'm ready. And with a little hard work and a sprinkling of pixie dust, I'll be able to make my leap into the next chapter of my career within the next four or five months. As for Doug though, I'm afraid he looks to be forever embedded in a world filled with tater tot casserole and heat & eat entrees.
The world is your oyster - it's up to you to search for the pearl, or be stuck grinding shells. (How's that for an analogy?) Take it from me: make your own magic, and you’ll be much, much happier.
posted by Tommy G at
9:17 PM
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