The Oscar Pre-Show 2007: Live Blog!
So here we are – Oscar night 2007.
The rich and glamorous are in Hollywood, walking the red carpet and hoping that their dress won’t be totally mocked in about 12 hours from now.
Meanwhile, I’m stuck in Sioux City, Iowa, where there’s a foot of fresh snow outside the door. No red carpet – just a semi-shoveled sidewalk, which will probably be re-buried by the snow plow any minute from now.
So if I’m a little extra-cranky tonight, you’ll have to forgive me.
Still, it’s not al about me. Tonight it’s all about CELEBRITY. So I’ll try to check my bad attitude and instead bring you the sheer spectacle that is…
The 2007 Academy Awards Preshow!!!
7:00 PM Central, Sunday February 25, 2007. It’s time for 30 minutes of mini-interviews as the stars make their way through the crowds of photographers and Leonard Maltin wannabes and (hopefully) into their seats on time.
7:01 – The preshow is starting with animated penguins. I think they’re from Happy Feet, but since I didn’t see the movie, I’m not 100 percent sure.
7:02 Oh, the penguins just started dancing. Must be Happy Feet.
7:02 – Ah, there’s the red carpet. And Chris Connelly, who used to be halfway good journalist. Now he’s a preshow whore.
7:03 – Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s a god dresser, and one of the few guys in Hollywood who makes a 3-day growth of facial hair work. He’s a decent actor, although I just watched the Departed, and he’s also got a naughty dirty mouth. Do you kiss your Mama with that thing??
7:04 – Lisa Ling is our next announcer. She’s with “two stunning actresses who need no introduction” – Nicole Kidman (in red with a Clifford the Big Red Dog bow), and Naomi Watts in off-the shoulder yellow. Not really a fashion winner, in my humble non-gay opinion.
And speaking of less than masculine men, and now it’s Andre someone – from Vogue. He’s wearing a cape as he hangs out with Jennifer Hudson. Hmmmm. He talks WAAAY too fast. As for Jennifer Hudson, she’s not wearing a very practical dress.
7:06 – Chris is back, talking with Steve Carrell. He’s in a classic tux, and really should be hosting this damn thing.
Allison Waterman is collecting autographs. She’s got Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt from Devil Wears Prada, and they’re talking about fashion and trying to pretend that they’re happy to discuss this subject.
7:08 – It’s an assortment of actresses in dresses. Only 5 seconds per gown.
7:09 - A commercial – thank God! I can’t type this fast! Plus, it’s Loreal Paris, and I’m worth it, damn it.
7:10 – An ad for Cesar dog food. Formerly known as Mr. Dog. Just as Eddie Izzard.
7:11 – Back to the preshow! It’s Penelope Cruz, in a orange-brown dress that looks like it’s made out of shag carpet. She’s got a beautiful accent, I’ll give her that much.
7:12 – It’s that Odd Andre guy again, talking with Wil Smith and Jada Pickett. Jada’s dress is gold – the same color as an Oscar. They brought their son with them, whose trying to look cool on TV. Wil is teasing Mr. Masculine about his ugly blue tux.
7:14 – It’s Chris and Cameron Diaz. She’s not nominated, but for some reason she’s worthy of attention. She’s got bad hair, too. What’s the matter, Cam – did Justin get the hairdresser in the breakup?
7:15 – Eddie Murphy and :”his beautiful date” Tracy Edmonds. She’s not his wife or his pregnant ex-girlfriend. Do you suppose he rented her by the hour? They asked Eddie what his favorite Eddie Murphy movie was, and he made a Pluto Nash joke.
7:16 – Andre is talking with Cate Blanchett. She looks much better than he does. I wonder if he’s seething with jealousy. He’s still talking way tooooo fast.
7:18 – Ryan Gosling from “Half Nelson”. He was on the Mickey Mouse Club. For that reason alone I’m jealous. I always wanted to be a Mouseketeer.
Another commercial break – punctuated by a U2 song and another snippet of dresses. Yawn.
7:21 – And we’re back. After several lipstick ads, a dumb Coke spot, and a commercial that tries to convince us that the only reason our kids are fat lazy is because we haven’t taken out a Bank of America home equity loan.
7:22 - Chris is with Mark Walberg, who is very genteel. I hope he doesn’t show us his Calvins.
7:23 – The Three Amigos – three Spanish directors. Do any of them speak much English? They compared themselves to Larry Curly and Moe. Bring out the pies!!!
7:24 – It’s Kate Winslet in a mint green dress. She’s got a nasty panty line going on. Mrs. G. teases me about her being my “secret girlfriend.” As if.
7:26 – Helen Mirren! He’s the Queen, and looks like it in gold. You watch – in three hours from now she’ll be sporting an Oscar to match her gown.
7:27 – Andre is talking about Oscar fashion again. This man reeeeeally needs some testosterone. He keeps talking about designers and “smashing” and “delicious” clothes. Yikes.
7:29 – Chris and the chick are running inside to take their seats. Hooray! It’s time. And best of all? No Billy Bush this year.
Okay – time to switch files. See you in 30 seconds!
The rich and glamorous are in Hollywood, walking the red carpet and hoping that their dress won’t be totally mocked in about 12 hours from now.
Meanwhile, I’m stuck in Sioux City, Iowa, where there’s a foot of fresh snow outside the door. No red carpet – just a semi-shoveled sidewalk, which will probably be re-buried by the snow plow any minute from now.
So if I’m a little extra-cranky tonight, you’ll have to forgive me.
Still, it’s not al about me. Tonight it’s all about CELEBRITY. So I’ll try to check my bad attitude and instead bring you the sheer spectacle that is…
The 2007 Academy Awards Preshow!!!
7:00 PM Central, Sunday February 25, 2007. It’s time for 30 minutes of mini-interviews as the stars make their way through the crowds of photographers and Leonard Maltin wannabes and (hopefully) into their seats on time.
7:01 – The preshow is starting with animated penguins. I think they’re from Happy Feet, but since I didn’t see the movie, I’m not 100 percent sure.
7:02 Oh, the penguins just started dancing. Must be Happy Feet.
7:02 – Ah, there’s the red carpet. And Chris Connelly, who used to be halfway good journalist. Now he’s a preshow whore.
7:03 – Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s a god dresser, and one of the few guys in Hollywood who makes a 3-day growth of facial hair work. He’s a decent actor, although I just watched the Departed, and he’s also got a naughty dirty mouth. Do you kiss your Mama with that thing??
7:04 – Lisa Ling is our next announcer. She’s with “two stunning actresses who need no introduction” – Nicole Kidman (in red with a Clifford the Big Red Dog bow), and Naomi Watts in off-the shoulder yellow. Not really a fashion winner, in my humble non-gay opinion.
And speaking of less than masculine men, and now it’s Andre someone – from Vogue. He’s wearing a cape as he hangs out with Jennifer Hudson. Hmmmm. He talks WAAAY too fast. As for Jennifer Hudson, she’s not wearing a very practical dress.
7:06 – Chris is back, talking with Steve Carrell. He’s in a classic tux, and really should be hosting this damn thing.
Allison Waterman is collecting autographs. She’s got Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt from Devil Wears Prada, and they’re talking about fashion and trying to pretend that they’re happy to discuss this subject.
7:08 – It’s an assortment of actresses in dresses. Only 5 seconds per gown.
7:09 - A commercial – thank God! I can’t type this fast! Plus, it’s Loreal Paris, and I’m worth it, damn it.
7:10 – An ad for Cesar dog food. Formerly known as Mr. Dog. Just as Eddie Izzard.
7:11 – Back to the preshow! It’s Penelope Cruz, in a orange-brown dress that looks like it’s made out of shag carpet. She’s got a beautiful accent, I’ll give her that much.
7:12 – It’s that Odd Andre guy again, talking with Wil Smith and Jada Pickett. Jada’s dress is gold – the same color as an Oscar. They brought their son with them, whose trying to look cool on TV. Wil is teasing Mr. Masculine about his ugly blue tux.
7:14 – It’s Chris and Cameron Diaz. She’s not nominated, but for some reason she’s worthy of attention. She’s got bad hair, too. What’s the matter, Cam – did Justin get the hairdresser in the breakup?
7:15 – Eddie Murphy and :”his beautiful date” Tracy Edmonds. She’s not his wife or his pregnant ex-girlfriend. Do you suppose he rented her by the hour? They asked Eddie what his favorite Eddie Murphy movie was, and he made a Pluto Nash joke.
7:16 – Andre is talking with Cate Blanchett. She looks much better than he does. I wonder if he’s seething with jealousy. He’s still talking way tooooo fast.
7:18 – Ryan Gosling from “Half Nelson”. He was on the Mickey Mouse Club. For that reason alone I’m jealous. I always wanted to be a Mouseketeer.
Another commercial break – punctuated by a U2 song and another snippet of dresses. Yawn.
7:21 – And we’re back. After several lipstick ads, a dumb Coke spot, and a commercial that tries to convince us that the only reason our kids are fat lazy is because we haven’t taken out a Bank of America home equity loan.
7:22 - Chris is with Mark Walberg, who is very genteel. I hope he doesn’t show us his Calvins.
7:23 – The Three Amigos – three Spanish directors. Do any of them speak much English? They compared themselves to Larry Curly and Moe. Bring out the pies!!!
7:24 – It’s Kate Winslet in a mint green dress. She’s got a nasty panty line going on. Mrs. G. teases me about her being my “secret girlfriend.” As if.
7:26 – Helen Mirren! He’s the Queen, and looks like it in gold. You watch – in three hours from now she’ll be sporting an Oscar to match her gown.
7:27 – Andre is talking about Oscar fashion again. This man reeeeeally needs some testosterone. He keeps talking about designers and “smashing” and “delicious” clothes. Yikes.
7:29 – Chris and the chick are running inside to take their seats. Hooray! It’s time. And best of all? No Billy Bush this year.
Okay – time to switch files. See you in 30 seconds!
posted by Tommy G at
11:35 PM
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