Full House

Miss Katie graduates from high school next Tuesday (hooray!), and since we live so blasted far away from our nearest relatives, the Lovely Mrs. G. and I are hosting a bevy of out-of-town visitors in our tiny little house this weekend. Tonight Mrs. G’s parents and niece arrive, followed tomorrow by Mrs. G’s aunt, my sister Alie, and Alie’s daughter Chrissy. So counting the three of us, that makes 9 people in a 3 bedroom house. Most prisoners get more square footage per capital that we do.

So if you happen to pass by my place this weekend and find me standing on the front lawn stretching my arms and legs like I've been trapped in a 3 square foot box, you’ll know why.

Actually, it won't be that bad. I genuinely like having Mrs. G's family visit, and with the exception of my father-in-law and my cat Jack, we all get along swimmingly. My FIL is not a cat person in the slightest, yet Mr. Bad Attitude Jack seems to think that he’ll somehow charm him over with his cranky-yet-loveable feline ways. So far it hasn’t worked. They keep a professional distance from each other, until FIL tries to sit in Jack’s favorite chair. Then all hell breaks loose, and Grampy had better start checking his shoes before he puts them on, lest Jack strike revenge a cat-puke-in-the-loafers way.

So it’ll be a tight squeeze in the Gressel household, but it’ll be fun. And in honor of the Lovely Mrs. G., who claims that I steal all of her best jokes, we’ll have plenty of free Band-aids available for any cat vs. man “hugs gone wrong”.

Otherwise, it’ll be nice to play host to our families. My sister has never been to the Midwest before, so I’m going to have to take her around and show her all the wonderful “tourist attractions” we have to offer – the smells from the slaughterhouses, the “strip” of cheap casinos and mostly-legal firework shops just across the state line in South Dakota (legal in SD, highly illegal 5 miles to the south in Iowa or Nebraska), the “birthplace” of the loosemeat sandwich (aka “taverns” – disgusting sauce-less sloppy Joes. Ick.), and maybe a tour of the many Lewis & Clark exhibits that dot the community. Because nothing says “vacation” like a historic tour of landmarks. Or at least it didn’t when we were kids, and our mother made us pull over and stop at every roadside marker.

I’ll BBQ a couple of times for the family (cooking outdoors = not crammed in our small kitchen with 8 other hungry people!), we’ll have a nice little (150 people or so) graduation party for Miss Katie on Sunday, then the Big Night is Tuesday – a little Pomp & Circumstance, a ton of photos, cheer, cheer, hooray, congrats, and it’ll be over. By Wednesday night everyone will be on their way home, and that’ll be that. We’ll have a ton of happy memories, a stack of dishes to wash, and our bathrooms back to ourselves.

But for now I’m going to try to relax and remain calm, and remember that it’s family that really matters. But please – don’t tick off the cat. The shoes you save could be your own.