Honk Twice For Safety

This article that I saw online this week kind of surprised me.

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Miami Tops Auto Club List for Rude Drivers

Stressed Miami drivers speed, tailgate and cut off other drivers so frequently that the city earned the title of worst road rage in a survey released Tuesday.

AutoVantage, an automobile membership club offering travel services and roadside assistance, also listed Phoenix, New York, Los Angeles and Boston among the top five cities for rude driving.

Minneapolis, Nashville, St. Louis, Seattle and Atlanta were rated as the cities with the most courteous drivers, who were less likely to change lanes without signaling or swear at other motorists.

Young drivers and people with long commutes were found to be the most likely to react to an aggressive or rude driver. The top reactions included honking the horn, cursing or making an obscene gesture.

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Funny, I always assumed that the rudest drivers anywhere were right here in beautiful downtown Sioux City, Iowa.

Sioux City has the highest auto insurance rates in the state of Iowa, for a very justifiable reason: We (as a city) suck as drivers. When I wrote for the newspaper a few years back I recommended that locals be forced to take remedial driver’s ed. every four years, and deep down I still wish they would.

The locals drive like absolute idiots around here, and God forbid you ever have to try to get around in this town and you foolishly expect to get to your destination with your sanity intact.

There are five main problems with local Sioux City mouth breathers behind the wheel –

1 – They hardly ever signal. The main theory behind their inability to use their turn signals is that “it’s none of your damn business which way I’m going”. But secretly I suspect they’ve broken off their turn signals while reaching for the hidden pack of Marlboros underneath the dash. Either that, or their finger is planted so far up their nose they can’t get it out in time to flash their signals.

2 – They don’t like to share. If you find yourself in the incorrect lane and try to get over, you might as well forget about it. People won’t let anyone in around here – ever. When they tore up the interstate last summer (for reasons nobody could really explain – it just looked like they’d dug a hole in the road, then filled it back in three days later), the right lane was closed, and God help you if you accidentally got caught over there, because nobody was going to let you into the left lane anytime soon. Common courtesy or a little compassion for your fellow man? Ha. Screw you, buddy. No cuts.

3 – Red lights are for wimps. The locals run lights all the time here. Seriously – if the light turns green, you’d better count to three before proceeding into the intersection. It’s to the point that the city is going to start putting cameras on intersections and mailing tickets to offenders. The locals are bitching up a storm about this, but I say RIGHT ON. The idiots “may” learn a lesson, and the city will make a FORTUNE.

4 – Everyone thinks they’re invincible. They drive 70 MPH in the snow. They don’t wear their seatbelts. They drive with their left foot hanging out the car window. I’ve never seen a place where people take bigger risks behind the wheel, which leads me to my next point…

5 – “I can’t be courteous right now – I’m ON THE PHONE!” Have you ever watched a driver with a phone on their ear, a taco in one hand, a lit cigarette in the other hand, and a beverage between their knees? Well, come to Sioux City, Iowa – home of the Multitasking Driver. If I was in charge I’d ban cell phone use while driving entirely – if you have an emergency, then pull the hell over. But the yuckleheads love their cells, and chat on them nonstop. And the people you usually see running lights or blowing past pedestrians in a crosswalk or giving you the finger for not passing on the right are usually chatting away, oblivious to the fact that they are driving like assholes.

So maybe the nice people at AutoVantage need to reconsider their survey results, and include some of the smaller market cities in their findings. Like a certain small Midwestern town where driving is competitive, not courteous.

Just be careful out there.