Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

If you’re ever looking for something *really* interesting online, there’s only one place to turn: Craig’s List.

I’m not going to waste my (or your) time by delving into the deep history and amusing anecdotes of Craig’s List, but I thought I’d show you this listing that I saw today in the “Jobs” section.

Keep in mind the source...

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Are you fan of Jerry Springer...

Date: 2007-09-13, 7:34PM CDT

...and have some drama going on in your life? We are going into our 17th season for Jerry Springer and looking for wild and crazy guests with REAL stories. If you or anyone you know is in a family feud and need to literally fight it out (without legally getting into trouble)...call us asap at xxx-xxx-3402.

All expense paid trip to Chicago (flights, limo, hotel, food, entertainment, cigarettes)

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Hmmm... Jerry Springer wants YOU. All you got to do is come to Chicago, curse a little, and smack around your trailer-trash boyfriend/girlfriend/sister/transvestite midget lover (who could quite possibly be all one person), and bingo – faster than you can say “Oh no you di’int!”, you’ll be a star.

Plus, they’re tossing in a free carton of smokes as one of the amenities. Yes, nothing says “The Perks of Stardom” quite like complimentary cigs. Of course, the ad says nothing about MONEY – just a coach plane ticket, a ride to the TV studio, two nights at the Super 8, and a pack or two of Camels.

But who knows – publicly airing your family strife could be the perfect fodder for a screenplay, a TV movie of the week (preferably on Lifetime), a feature article in People and/or Us Weekly, or the golden ring of trash TV faux celebs: your very own VH1 dating show.

Or it could just expose you to the world as a whacked-out nutjob, desperate for attention. It’s up to you.

I’m afraid you won’t be seeing me on Jerry Springer anytime soon. I unfortunately have the one trait that they don’t find suitable for their show: self-dignity.

Still, if I ever find myself critically in need of a free nicotine fix (not likely) and cannot come up with any other option, it’s nice to know they’re out there, just waiting for me. I’ll just need to go pick up some ribbed white tank tops and a couple of circus freaks first...