Moon River

Here's yet another reason why we left Iowa…

Yesterday afternoon the Lovely Mrs. G. and I were driving back to Omaha from Sioux City on Interstate 29. We'd gone up for the weekend to see Miss Katie and Baby Emmy for Easter, which was a lot of fun. Babies rule.

Anyway, there we were, heading south, minding our own business and commenting on how damn glad we were to be getting out of Sewerville. And along next to us pulls up a SUV with Iowa license plates, honking their horn.

And the lady (using that term loosely) in the passenger seat is mooning us.

Now, three things to point out.

1 – It's Easter Freaking Sunday.
2 – She's at least our age, i.e. early 40's.
3 – She really could've used a Brazilian, if you catch my unshaven drift…

I ignore the rather unappetizing sight for a while, then when she finally sits her rottencrotch back down and waves to me, I wave back – holding my cell phone, and signaling that I'm dialing Nine One One.

The SUV then speeds WAAAAY up, thinking they're getting away from me before I can get their license plate. (Too late.)

So tell me, America – who the hell would think hanging your hairy B.A. in the car window on Easter Sunday would be a good idea, especially when what you're showing really isn't worth the effort? I mean, I didn't stare or anything, but from what I could tell what she was offering up certainly wasn't what you'd call "attractive". Or "well groomed."

I apologize now if you just threw up in your mouth a little bit. I know that I did.

Obviously there's a mental shortage in that family. Maybe she should be wearing a helmet and be on the short bus instead? Or maybe we should just chalk her up to being just another Iowa Idiot.

Yep, thank God we're outta there.