Who Was That Masked Man?

It’s Halloween – a holiday I used to look forward to every year with 6 months of anticipation. Ah, but that was a lifetime ago (okay – 22+ years), when I used to spend my entire summer working on and building a 10,000 square foot charity haunted house in Seattle.

These days Halloween isn’t the big deal to me that it once was. Maybe it’s because I’m older, or maybe it’s because I don’t have any giant haunted houses to build. Whatever the reason, I just don’t get into it like I used to.

But I still like Halloween. I’ve even been known to dress up and wear a costume or two to celebrate the occasion.

A couple of years ago, back when I worked for Rhymes with Garnes and Foble, I worked at the mall for Halloween, so I came up with the cleverest costume I could think of (for under $10.00, of course). It went like this:

First, I downloaded a photo of Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello dancing on the beach, circa “Beach Blanket Bingo” days. I made an iron-on of this picture, added Frankie’s name to the top (for good measure, just in case nobody got the gist), and ironed it onto a plain white t-shirt. I then wore it with my khaki pants, white tennis shoes, and a loud Hawaiian print shirt (unbuttoned).

Next, I bought a cheap-o Wally World fishing net, and filled it with a dozen boxes of Jell-O.

I then spent my night walking around as Frankie Avalon and “A Net Full of Jell-O”. (Say it really fast if you don’t get it.)

Hardy har har, right? Only one problem:

Nobody got it.

I should have known better – I was dealing with a roomful of people far too young to remember Frankie & Annette movies, and when I tried to explain who I was supposed to be, and why exactly I was carrying a fishing net filled with boxes of Jell-O, all I got were blank stares as a response.

Sigh. I was too clever for the room.

And yes – I did “borrow” this idea from the Muppet 3-D show at Disney-MGM Studios in Orlando. Be sure to look for their version on the lobby wall; it’s just as funny as mine. Maybe even more so.

My other favorite costume from way back was in 1985 – it was topical, it was timely, and it was a hit with the ladies.

I went as Billy Crystal’s “Fernando” character. And yes indeed – I did look absolutely MAHHHHVELOUS. I had the gray hair (colored hair spray – a feature I wouldn’t need today), I had a borrowed ascot, I had the bad Spanish accent. What can I say? It worked like a charm.

So remember, dahlings – it’s not how you feel; it’s how you look.

Anyway, yesterday was dress-up day here at my (only 8 days left) current employer. In the hallways yesterday I passed Pee-Wee Herman, a Care Bear, an afro-sporting tie dyed disco maniac, Papa Smurf, several generic witches, and a really good “Dog the Bounty Hunter” impersonation. There was also a guy dressed like he was riding an ostrich, but the neck of the beast seemed to be coming out of his crotch area, in a pseudo phallic/gross sort of way. It wasn’t the most appropriate thing to see, that’s for sure.

The winner of the costume contest here won a computer for his efforts. I didn’t see it myself, but apparently he was dressed like a picnic table. Seriously. I’m hoping someone somewhere has photos of that – I’m really curious how he pulled that off.

As for me, I didn’t dress up for work. Instead, I came as “A Guy With Short Timers Syndrome”. That was enough for me.

But maybe tonight I’ll break out the old Frankie Avalon t-shirt. (Mrs. G. now wears it to the gym on a regular basis.) We’ll see if any of the kids this year are hipper than their 2005 counterparts.

That’d be mahhhhhvelous.