It's Not Easy Bein' Blue

The new X-Men movie is coming out in a couple of weeks, and one of the starring mutants this time around is Beast, played by Dr. Frasier Crane.

Now, I never really imagined Kelsey Grammer as an action hero, but stranger things have happened. But I have to wonder about his lovely indigo fur costume. Doesn’t he remind you of…someone? Or maybe a combination of a couple of well-known celebrities?

So I did a little investigation, and found the missing pages from the movie script that explain Beast’s origins. And just because I like y’all, I thought I’d share this hidden treasure with the world. Enjoy!


X-MEN: THE LAST STAND

FADE IN

EXT:

Night. Raining hard. A small mushroom-shaped tavern in the woods. There is only one car in the parking lot.

INT:

A mostly empty bar. All tables are empty, and there is only one patron sitting at the bar. The lights are dimmed low, but you can still tell that this is a fairly shabby establishment. The kind of place where “regulars” are the only patrons. A sad song plays on the jukebox. The remnants of earlier partying remain – empty beer mugs, peanut shells – but that’s about it.

CUT TO:

BARTENDER, washing a glass with a dirty towel.

Do you want me to get you another Smurftini, honey?

CUT TO:

SMURFETTE, sitting at the bar, slumped over in her barstool. It’s apparent that she’s had far too much to drink tonight. Her dress is rumpled, and her hair is now matted. Her head is hung low, and there are several empty martini glasses in her vicinity.

He promised he’d be here.

CUT TO:

BARTENDER

I know he did, honey. Maybe he was just held up. You know how it goes with blind dates. Maybe he just got lost on his way here.

CUT TO:

SURFETTE slowly lifts her head. She’s obviously in no mood for a pep talk, and she gives the BARTENDER a dirty sneer.

Oh, cut the crap, Whiskey Smurf. Let’s just face it – I’ve been stood up.

CUT TO:

BARTENDER removes a couple of the empty glasses from in front of her.

I’ve got to lock up now, honey. But if you want a ride home, I’ll be glad to drop you off on the way back to my mushroom.

CUT TO:

SMURFETTE, tears and mascara running down her cheek.

Thanks.

WIDE ANGLE:

SMURFETTE, loudly blowing her nose on a bar napkin as the BARTENDER walks towards the back room.

SMURFETTE, yelling/slurring to BARTENDER

I swear to Smurf – I’m going to sleep with the next Smurf who walks through that door, just to get even with the no-good son of a Smurf. Nobody stands up Mrs. Smurf's little girl.

CUT TO:

WIDE ANGLE

SMURFETTE all alone in front of bar. She sighs heavily.

CUT TO:

The TAVERN DOOR blows open, and in comes a tall, blue STRANGER. He is wet from the rain. The STRANGER shakes himself off like a dog, then looks around the room.

CUT TO:

SMURFETTE, turning to see who it is. Her eyes light up as she sees the tall blue figure standing in the doorway.

Uh…Hi. Are you my date?

CUT TO:

The STRANGER slowly approaches her, but says nothing.

CUT TO:

SMURFETTE, trying to stand up and straighten her hair at the same time. It's not going so well, but she tries her best.

Hey...I’m Smurfette. Are…are you from Sesame Street?

CUT TO:

STRANGER, now smiling wide. He wraps his large blue arms around her and gives her the biggest hug.

COOKIE!!!

FADE TO BLACK

CUT TO MARQUEE

9 Months Later