They're Coming! They're Coming!
Yesterday was a day that will go down as one of the most significant ever in Sioux City, Iowa history. For yesterday, we received THE NEWS.
It was the news all of Siouxland had been waiting for. Years of prayer, hope, and begging had finally paid off.
Small children gazed into the skies with wonderment.
Grown men wept.
Blue-haired ladies peed their pants.
Old farmers stopped complaining and instead joined hands in brotherly unity.
At long last, THEY were coming to town. Finally. Thank God Almighty.
Yes, Siouxland is about to receive…it’s first Olive Garden restaurant.
I just don’t get the overwhelming calling to go to Olive Garden that the locals have. I mean, Olive Garden is nice. Nice. Not thrilling, but nice. I’ve eaten there a few times over the last 20 years (they were big in Seattle way back when), and it’s okay – but that’s about all you can say. They make their food their way, and the masses seem to enjoy it, so they must be doing something right.
Yet to me, it’s just not all that and a bag of cannoli. I mean, let’s face it -- Enoteca Pinchiorri it’s not. (The Lovely Mrs. G. will appreciate the Iron Chef reference.) And the service? It’s ranged from rude to indifferent most of the time. So you drive a long way, wait a long time, and sit down to uninspired food served up by a surly wait staff. Where’s the 5-star fun in that?
But none of that will matter once O.G. lands in town next January. You see, Sioux City has literally been drooling for an Olive Garden for years and years, in a sick, almost perverse way that can only be sated by large quantities of bland alfredo sauce and all you can eat breadsticks.
When the press release broke yesterday, no fewer than 16 people I know mentioned The Big News to me. The DJs on the morning radio yammered on about it for nearly a half hour. I suspect that somewhere out there locals are already online salivating over the menu and ordering a pair of expando-waist slacks.
The place will be jam-packed from open til close, 7 days a week. I can guarantee it. In the 7 years I’ve lived in this town, I’ve probably heard people mention their desire for O.G. food at least 100 times (no exaggeration). There have been countless newspaper stories and TV features about the desire – nay, the lifeblood need – to have Olive Garden finally grace our fair community. Local citizens have written massive actual letters to the editor of the paper begging for Olive Garden. Not that they could be bothered by writing about oh...the war in Iraq or high gas prices or the social injustices in the world. Nope, they want their minestrone soup and free breadsticks, dammit!
The nearest O.G. currently around here is in Omaha (90 miles South) or Sioux Falls (90 miles North), but I know people who’ll drive all the way there round trip, then wait in line two hours for a chance to dive into a trough of their spaghetti.
Saying Olive Garden is good, honest, Italian cuisine is like saying the best seafood you’ve ever had in your life is from Red Lobster or the most tender steak dinner you’ve ever had was from the WinnaVegas casino buffet...
...Oh, wait. That IS what a lot of locals say. Mainly because they don’t know any better.
Fortunately, I do. I’ve had REAL Italian cuisine, and let me tell you – it beats the crap out of warmed over breadsticks and bland tomato sauce. If you’ve never wandered into a real Italian restaurant, by all means try it. You’ll be pleasantly surprised. (Try the gnocchi or the fettuccini ala caprice. I highly recommend them both.)
Regardless, Olive Garden will be a smash it. I’m sure there are neighbors of mine who already have a countdown calendar on their wall, marking off the days until the streets of Sioux City will flow in marinara sauce. Personally, I’m hoping to be long gone out of this culinarily stunted town before the fervor of Olive Garden dies down.
Because by then they might announce a Bennigans, and all Hell will really break loose...
It was the news all of Siouxland had been waiting for. Years of prayer, hope, and begging had finally paid off.
Small children gazed into the skies with wonderment.
Grown men wept.
Blue-haired ladies peed their pants.
Old farmers stopped complaining and instead joined hands in brotherly unity.
At long last, THEY were coming to town. Finally. Thank God Almighty.
Yes, Siouxland is about to receive…it’s first Olive Garden restaurant.
I just don’t get the overwhelming calling to go to Olive Garden that the locals have. I mean, Olive Garden is nice. Nice. Not thrilling, but nice. I’ve eaten there a few times over the last 20 years (they were big in Seattle way back when), and it’s okay – but that’s about all you can say. They make their food their way, and the masses seem to enjoy it, so they must be doing something right.
Yet to me, it’s just not all that and a bag of cannoli. I mean, let’s face it -- Enoteca Pinchiorri it’s not. (The Lovely Mrs. G. will appreciate the Iron Chef reference.) And the service? It’s ranged from rude to indifferent most of the time. So you drive a long way, wait a long time, and sit down to uninspired food served up by a surly wait staff. Where’s the 5-star fun in that?
But none of that will matter once O.G. lands in town next January. You see, Sioux City has literally been drooling for an Olive Garden for years and years, in a sick, almost perverse way that can only be sated by large quantities of bland alfredo sauce and all you can eat breadsticks.
When the press release broke yesterday, no fewer than 16 people I know mentioned The Big News to me. The DJs on the morning radio yammered on about it for nearly a half hour. I suspect that somewhere out there locals are already online salivating over the menu and ordering a pair of expando-waist slacks.
The place will be jam-packed from open til close, 7 days a week. I can guarantee it. In the 7 years I’ve lived in this town, I’ve probably heard people mention their desire for O.G. food at least 100 times (no exaggeration). There have been countless newspaper stories and TV features about the desire – nay, the lifeblood need – to have Olive Garden finally grace our fair community. Local citizens have written massive actual letters to the editor of the paper begging for Olive Garden. Not that they could be bothered by writing about oh...the war in Iraq or high gas prices or the social injustices in the world. Nope, they want their minestrone soup and free breadsticks, dammit!
The nearest O.G. currently around here is in Omaha (90 miles South) or Sioux Falls (90 miles North), but I know people who’ll drive all the way there round trip, then wait in line two hours for a chance to dive into a trough of their spaghetti.
Saying Olive Garden is good, honest, Italian cuisine is like saying the best seafood you’ve ever had in your life is from Red Lobster or the most tender steak dinner you’ve ever had was from the WinnaVegas casino buffet...
...Oh, wait. That IS what a lot of locals say. Mainly because they don’t know any better.
Fortunately, I do. I’ve had REAL Italian cuisine, and let me tell you – it beats the crap out of warmed over breadsticks and bland tomato sauce. If you’ve never wandered into a real Italian restaurant, by all means try it. You’ll be pleasantly surprised. (Try the gnocchi or the fettuccini ala caprice. I highly recommend them both.)
Regardless, Olive Garden will be a smash it. I’m sure there are neighbors of mine who already have a countdown calendar on their wall, marking off the days until the streets of Sioux City will flow in marinara sauce. Personally, I’m hoping to be long gone out of this culinarily stunted town before the fervor of Olive Garden dies down.
Because by then they might announce a Bennigans, and all Hell will really break loose...
posted by Tommy G at
9:42 AM
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