I'll grow old - but I won't grow up.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays

Does it seem a little odd to anyone else that there seems to be this national uproar this year about people saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, or vice versa? To quote my Jewish friends (and to bring even more fodder to the fire), Oyvey.

Here in Cowtown U.S.A., the newspaper has been filled with letters to the editor arguing the plusses and minuses of saying one greeting over the other. People are having an absolute tizzy about it, with some mouth breathers even threatening to boycott stores that won’t say “Merry Christmas”.

It’s the great argument of 2005. Not “Is Bush screwing up the world?” or “Is global warming really responsible for disasters like Hurricanes Katrina and Rita?” Nope, the biggest thing we have to discuss is whether or not the snot-nosed kid behind the counter at Mart-Mart (or his equally snot-nosed Mother at the register next to him) have the right to evoke the Good Lord’s name when wishing people well this season.

Next thing you know there will be Congressional hearings into this. Hey, those bozos wasted our time and money chatting up baseball steroids all summer long– why not argue the holidays, too?
Tell me – what’s wrong with people? What’s the big deal with just telling someone “Have a nice holiday” or “Merry Christmas”, and leaving it at that? It’s better than having the cashier say “Up yours” or “Get the hell out.” Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Festivus – all okay. There. Now relax and enjoy the peaceful season, because it’s FUCKING CHRISTMAS, GODDAMMIT. (Okay, maybe we should try it again without using the Lord’s name in vain.)

The most amazing part is that this controversy is happening at all here in Sioux City – home of Outstanding Customer Service (not). Usually around here you’re lucky if you get a grunt of acknowledgement out of the clerks, provided they’re not too busy chatting with their friends at the next register. So if you get any form of politeness out of the checkers here, be thankful.

Personally, I don’t care one way or another. If someone says “Merry Christmas,” I’ll respond with “Thanks, you too.” Ditto if someone says “Have a happy holiday”. It’s all good. If you say “Happy Groundhogs Day”, I might look at you a little odd, but it’s still better than “Where’s that $20 you owe me, Gressel?”

So with that, let me wish each and every one of you a very _______ _______.

And I really mean it.

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