The Sounds of Christmas Fill the Air
They’re pumping Christmas music through the halls here today at work – very odd, considering how the company has pretty much ignored Christmas for the past few years. It wasn’t always that way – back in the “happy days” (before they laid off 92% of their staff) Christmas was a big deal in the company. Things soured, and the “spirit of the season” was pretty much a goner for a long, long, time.
But now it’s back, and I for one am glad to see it return. Maybe it’s a sign of brighter days to come? I’m not holding my breath, but I suppose everyone needs a Christmas wish. Or miracle. Your choice.
Regardless, I was inspired today by the Christmas music in the hallway and an article I saw online about the best & worst music that the holiday season has to offer. So put down that copy of “Now That’s What I Call Music Volume 912!”, and check out what your old pal Tommy has on his holiday-filled mind:
Tommy G.’s Five Best Pop Christmas Songs (in no particular order)
“Christmas Wrappin’”, The Waitresses: It’s so cynical that it’s good. And you know what – damn, I forgot cranberries, too!
“Please Come Home For Christmas”, The Eagles: Bells will be ringing, and I’ll be listenin’, every time this one comes on. What can I say? Sometimes I’m a sentimental guy. Sue me, Mr. Scrooge. Sue me.
“Christmas Blues”, Dean Martin. This one is kind of a rarity, but it’s one that I love nonetheless. You may have to look hard and long to find this one, but it’s worth the effort. That Deano, he was a smoothie.
“Blue Christmas”, Elvis. I really don’t like the background singers (“oooh-oooh-OOOH-oooh!”), but The King is The Man. How can you not love Elvis? On a side note, you should see my friend Mike sing this song, especially after he’s had a couple “Christmas spirits”. His impersonation is worth the price of admission alone.
“Christmas in Hollis”, Run DMC: Yes, I’m a white boy in Iowa. But Run DMC’s Christmas in Hollis, Queens is bustin’! True, I’m not about to ask Saint Nick for a pair of Adidas and some pretty gold bling, but still...it’s a classic among them. Yo.
Honorable mention has to go to Nat King Cole’s Christmas Song, The Chipmunk’s entire Christmas album, Bob & Doug McKenzie’s 12 Beers of Christmas, the dogs who bark Jingle Bells, All 3 versions of Adam Sandler’s Chanukah song, and Andy Williams belting out “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” Awww, ain’t that nice?
But being the snarky guy that I am, I must also present the Dark Side...
Tommy G.’s Five Worst Pop Christmas Songs
“12 Days of Christmas:” Could this song go on even longer? Good Lord – nobody gives a crap about 11 lords a-leaping anything. It’s like 20 minutes of musical greed. Nobody needs that many golden rings, and I don’t know what I’d do with a turtle dove if you gave one to me. Maybe a little stuffing, a little gravy, but that’s it. And a partridge in yet another damn pear tree already. Move on.
“Happy Xmas (War is Over):” The regularly played version by John Lennon is okay – but the version with Yoko’s 10-minute rant in the middle? Ugh. If you haven’t heard it, consider yourself lucky. Ears have spontaneously bled from less. Yoko goes off on an audible tangent about something or another, and you’ll find yourself wishing you could take a Sharpie and scribble SHUT UP YOKO across your CD player in order to make it stop.
“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer:” Yeah, yeah. It was funny the first 9,000 times I heard it as a kid. Nowadays? I can’t turn the radio off fast enough. Amazingly enough, it’s hugely popular on Sioux City radio. Gee, go figure.
“Santa Baby:” I like Eartha Kitt’s original version, but all of the terrible pop singer cover versions over the last few years? Each and every one of them deserve coal in their stockings and laryngitis in their teeny-bopper throats. Besides, isn’t it illegal to sing so trite over the holidays?
“Christmas Shoes:” By far the sappiest holiday song of all time. The poor little waif wants to buy Dying Mama some shoes for her last Christmas on Earth. I’m sympathetic to someone dying and all, especially over the holidays, but c’mon – why bum everyone out? How this tragedy became such a monster hit I’ll never know. Every time I want to hear it I want to go drink hemlock. Merry Christmas, indeed.
So there you have it – my thoughts on the music of the season. Now it’s your chance to post – what are your faves? Most dreaded songs?
Post early, and post often.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.
But now it’s back, and I for one am glad to see it return. Maybe it’s a sign of brighter days to come? I’m not holding my breath, but I suppose everyone needs a Christmas wish. Or miracle. Your choice.
Regardless, I was inspired today by the Christmas music in the hallway and an article I saw online about the best & worst music that the holiday season has to offer. So put down that copy of “Now That’s What I Call Music Volume 912!”, and check out what your old pal Tommy has on his holiday-filled mind:
Tommy G.’s Five Best Pop Christmas Songs (in no particular order)
“Christmas Wrappin’”, The Waitresses: It’s so cynical that it’s good. And you know what – damn, I forgot cranberries, too!
“Please Come Home For Christmas”, The Eagles: Bells will be ringing, and I’ll be listenin’, every time this one comes on. What can I say? Sometimes I’m a sentimental guy. Sue me, Mr. Scrooge. Sue me.
“Christmas Blues”, Dean Martin. This one is kind of a rarity, but it’s one that I love nonetheless. You may have to look hard and long to find this one, but it’s worth the effort. That Deano, he was a smoothie.
“Blue Christmas”, Elvis. I really don’t like the background singers (“oooh-oooh-OOOH-oooh!”), but The King is The Man. How can you not love Elvis? On a side note, you should see my friend Mike sing this song, especially after he’s had a couple “Christmas spirits”. His impersonation is worth the price of admission alone.
“Christmas in Hollis”, Run DMC: Yes, I’m a white boy in Iowa. But Run DMC’s Christmas in Hollis, Queens is bustin’! True, I’m not about to ask Saint Nick for a pair of Adidas and some pretty gold bling, but still...it’s a classic among them. Yo.
Honorable mention has to go to Nat King Cole’s Christmas Song, The Chipmunk’s entire Christmas album, Bob & Doug McKenzie’s 12 Beers of Christmas, the dogs who bark Jingle Bells, All 3 versions of Adam Sandler’s Chanukah song, and Andy Williams belting out “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” Awww, ain’t that nice?
But being the snarky guy that I am, I must also present the Dark Side...
Tommy G.’s Five Worst Pop Christmas Songs
“12 Days of Christmas:” Could this song go on even longer? Good Lord – nobody gives a crap about 11 lords a-leaping anything. It’s like 20 minutes of musical greed. Nobody needs that many golden rings, and I don’t know what I’d do with a turtle dove if you gave one to me. Maybe a little stuffing, a little gravy, but that’s it. And a partridge in yet another damn pear tree already. Move on.
“Happy Xmas (War is Over):” The regularly played version by John Lennon is okay – but the version with Yoko’s 10-minute rant in the middle? Ugh. If you haven’t heard it, consider yourself lucky. Ears have spontaneously bled from less. Yoko goes off on an audible tangent about something or another, and you’ll find yourself wishing you could take a Sharpie and scribble SHUT UP YOKO across your CD player in order to make it stop.
“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer:” Yeah, yeah. It was funny the first 9,000 times I heard it as a kid. Nowadays? I can’t turn the radio off fast enough. Amazingly enough, it’s hugely popular on Sioux City radio. Gee, go figure.
“Santa Baby:” I like Eartha Kitt’s original version, but all of the terrible pop singer cover versions over the last few years? Each and every one of them deserve coal in their stockings and laryngitis in their teeny-bopper throats. Besides, isn’t it illegal to sing so trite over the holidays?
“Christmas Shoes:” By far the sappiest holiday song of all time. The poor little waif wants to buy Dying Mama some shoes for her last Christmas on Earth. I’m sympathetic to someone dying and all, especially over the holidays, but c’mon – why bum everyone out? How this tragedy became such a monster hit I’ll never know. Every time I want to hear it I want to go drink hemlock. Merry Christmas, indeed.
So there you have it – my thoughts on the music of the season. Now it’s your chance to post – what are your faves? Most dreaded songs?
Post early, and post often.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.
posted by Tommy G at
1:15 PM
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