Brother, Can You Spare a Dime – LITERALLY???
My primary employer is currently having a food drive. Great idea – I’m all for it. It’s a damn shame that anyone in this country ever has to go hungry, and I’m glad to say that the Gressel family supports the local food banks, Salvation Army, and Union Gospel Mission on a regular basis. It’s the least we can do.
But anyway, the food drive is on, and throughout the first floor they’ve set up barrels for people to drop off their canned goods and other non-perishable items. And for the most part, the nice people here have so far been pretty generous.
Except for the sales group.
Now, I don’t know how it is where you work, but the sales team here is basically one great big frat house. They’re mostly overly testosteroned shmucks who think of one person and one person only – themselves. They’re one notch above used car dealers and/or boiler room telemarketers, and that’s not saying much.
So the sales team decided to participate in the food drive en masse. But instead of adding their food to the barrels like everyone else, they had to set up their own table, which has been dressed with a huge banner: DIRECT SALES CONTRIBUTION. As if to show the world – “Ooooh, look what we did! Aren’t we cool? We actually shared something with someone else! You should be amazed and awe-inspired by our generosity!”
Well, that’s the first annoying thing. Here’s the second:
On their magical shrine of donated food there is indeed their group donation to help feed the poor and hungry. It consists of:
About 100 packets of generic Top Ramen (MSRP: 10 cents)
About 20 boxes of generic macaroni & cheese (MSRP: 20 cents)
So those cheap bastards had to set up their own altar to show off their giving ways, and it consists of el cheap-o, generic, overly salty ramen noodles (What, couldn’t they spring the extra 5 cents a package for name brand Top Ramen?) and icky generic mac & cheese. Super salty, super high in fat, super cheap.
I swear the only things missing are a loaf of leftover government cheese and a dusty can of turnips someone accidentally bought 10 years ago.
These guys all make good money. And I suspect that for one or two of them, their hearts were probably in the right place. But couldn’t they give the hungry something they MIGHT ACTUALLY ENJOY EATING??? Just because it’s on sale for 10 for a buck doesn’t mean it’s tasty (or good for you). What’s wrong with maybe a case of canned vegetables? Or some pasta? How about some REAL soup? There are thousands of nutritious, palate-pleasing selections at the neighborhood grocery store to choose from – you don’t necessarily have to buy the absolute cheapest foodstuffs on the face of the planet.
So tonight when I get home I’m going to bag up some REAL food for the food bank. And if it turns out I don’t have enough in the cupboard, then the Lovely Mrs. G. and I will run down to the store and buy the people who have to use the food bank something good to eat. They deserve a decent meal, as all of us do.
As for the tightwad idiots downstairs, I hope the sales team finds themselves on Thanksgiving afternoon carving up a lovely mac & cheese turkey, with a lovely side of salty ramen. It’d be just desserts.
But anyway, the food drive is on, and throughout the first floor they’ve set up barrels for people to drop off their canned goods and other non-perishable items. And for the most part, the nice people here have so far been pretty generous.
Except for the sales group.
Now, I don’t know how it is where you work, but the sales team here is basically one great big frat house. They’re mostly overly testosteroned shmucks who think of one person and one person only – themselves. They’re one notch above used car dealers and/or boiler room telemarketers, and that’s not saying much.
So the sales team decided to participate in the food drive en masse. But instead of adding their food to the barrels like everyone else, they had to set up their own table, which has been dressed with a huge banner: DIRECT SALES CONTRIBUTION. As if to show the world – “Ooooh, look what we did! Aren’t we cool? We actually shared something with someone else! You should be amazed and awe-inspired by our generosity!”
Well, that’s the first annoying thing. Here’s the second:
On their magical shrine of donated food there is indeed their group donation to help feed the poor and hungry. It consists of:
About 100 packets of generic Top Ramen (MSRP: 10 cents)
About 20 boxes of generic macaroni & cheese (MSRP: 20 cents)
So those cheap bastards had to set up their own altar to show off their giving ways, and it consists of el cheap-o, generic, overly salty ramen noodles (What, couldn’t they spring the extra 5 cents a package for name brand Top Ramen?) and icky generic mac & cheese. Super salty, super high in fat, super cheap.
I swear the only things missing are a loaf of leftover government cheese and a dusty can of turnips someone accidentally bought 10 years ago.
These guys all make good money. And I suspect that for one or two of them, their hearts were probably in the right place. But couldn’t they give the hungry something they MIGHT ACTUALLY ENJOY EATING??? Just because it’s on sale for 10 for a buck doesn’t mean it’s tasty (or good for you). What’s wrong with maybe a case of canned vegetables? Or some pasta? How about some REAL soup? There are thousands of nutritious, palate-pleasing selections at the neighborhood grocery store to choose from – you don’t necessarily have to buy the absolute cheapest foodstuffs on the face of the planet.
So tonight when I get home I’m going to bag up some REAL food for the food bank. And if it turns out I don’t have enough in the cupboard, then the Lovely Mrs. G. and I will run down to the store and buy the people who have to use the food bank something good to eat. They deserve a decent meal, as all of us do.
As for the tightwad idiots downstairs, I hope the sales team finds themselves on Thanksgiving afternoon carving up a lovely mac & cheese turkey, with a lovely side of salty ramen. It’d be just desserts.
posted by Tommy G at
3:43 PM
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