Spelling Counts!

Our neighbor up the street finally fixed the sign in his yard. He's trying to sell his ski boat, and spray-painted in yellow paint on a piece of cardboard attached to his fence, here's his entire marketing scheme:

"Bot 4 Sale"

Now, I suppose I can forgive the grammatical error of using "4" in place of "for" (that's the editor within me speaking up, I suppose), but spelling "boat" wrong? I mean, it's only four letters, for God's sake. B - O - A - T. I remember learning how to spell "boat" in first grade. Really now...who the hell can't spell "boat" correctly?

Nanny Goat had a boat - a red sailboat.
"I will sail away," she said one day.
But the boat would not float and the goat lost her coat.
She was wet from her nose to the tips of her toes.
Pretty soon goat had a very sore throat.
She went to the doctor, and here's what he said: "Take a pill and stay in bed."

(Aside: That was from memory, kids. I can't tell you how many times I read that story to Miss Katie when she was little. Oy.)

Regardless, what is it with people around here and their atrocious spelling? You see it all the time in Siouxland. Restaurants are the most fun; read their signs outside for a good chuckle. "Chiken Fried Steak". "Biscuits and Gravey". "Loose Meet Taco". Perhaps they should put down the spatula and pick up a remedial copy of "Fun with Dick and Jane".

My other question is this: If you can't spell "boat" correctly, what right do you have to even own one in the first place? If you can't spell basic words, should you really be put in charge of a large piece of machinery that could very easily kill you (or someone else)? I knew a guy who couldn't tell time unless it was on a digital clock, yet he drives a semi for a living. Is that really someone you want barreling down the highway behind you at 60 miles per hour? Imagine if he gets in a wreck, and the cops ask him "Were you holding the wheel at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock?" How would he answer?

Now, I'm not picking on those for whom English is a second (or third) language. The local Vietnamese restaurant's menu has some interesting English spellings at times, but I can't say anything about it, since they got most of the English words right, and I can't pronounce any of the Vietnamese writing, much less spell it. And this area does have a large population of immigrants who come to work in the meat plants for whom English is secondary. "Que? No comprendo."

But it's the local idiots who've spent their lives playing Nintendo instead of reading a book every now and then that I'm talking to. I know people who haven't read a book since they were forced to in high school. "If the book is any good, they'll make a movie of it some day," one dimwitted mouthbreather I know loves to say. Well, sorry Charlie - that's not good enough. Try expanding your mind and your vocabulary a little bit, and who knows - maybe you'll be able to spell big boy words like "boat" and "gravy".

The first day of school for kids around here is tomorrow. For the love of God, I beg you. Pay. The. Hell. Attention.

And that, my friends, is my rant for the day. Class dismissed.