Smell that? It's BROWNIES!!!

It’s been a strange day. My supe is out sick, but Skippy Whitebread is back from his brief vacation and is now once again running around like a madman with his head cut off. Quick, someone give that man a downer! He tends to flit from one “big important super-duper” project to another, expecting us to drop everything to respond to it NOW, NOW, NOW! No wonder I have a headache.

But on the good side, the sun is out and it’s not overly blazing hot, so that’s a good sign. The humidity has also backed off somewhat, too, which makes convertible weather a whole lot nicer. Nothing worse than getting a new hairstyle courtesy of hot, wet air while driving at 65 MPH. You want hair to match Ace Ventura's? You’ve got it, baby. I went driving at lunchtime, and it was mighty nice to be outside this huge tin can and in the fresh air.

The building I work in is located about a half block from a cookie plant, where they make Snackwells and Girl Scout cookies. When the wind blows from the North, the air outside smells like brownies. This is always a good sign; when the air smells like brownies in the morning, odds are it’s going to be decent weather all day. Of course, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes it smells like brownies in the dead of winter when it’s 5 degrees outside. But for the most part, you can take the brownie-scented air as a sign of good things to come.

On the other hand, if the wind blows from the South or the West, the air tends to smell like a cow’s ass. And in the middle of summer, some days it can smell like a hot, sweaty cow’s ass. Yeah, let that mental image sink in for a minute, why dontcha.

There’s a crude nickname for Sioux City – “Sewer City” – that sometimes seems to fit. There are several beef and pork production plants (i.e. slaughterhouses) around here that have a tendency to pollute the air and give the city an aroma that smells like a cross between burned hairy flesh and... well, a giant cow’s ass. But as bad as the cows smell, it’s nothing compared to the odor of a hog. Trust me – one hog can smell about 1,000 times worse than any old cow ever did. You can get used to cow's ass if you had to. Not so with hog's ass.

Iowa’s new state motto is “Fields of Opportunity”, thanks to a statewide contest a couple of years back. I still wish they’d used my recommendation instead: “What’s That Smell?” But for now the air is a pleasant chocolate brownie scented. Let’s all hope it remains that way, shall we?

So there you go. May all your days smell like brownies, cookies, fresh-baked bread, or whatever it is that turns you on. As long as it’s not a cow’s ass, we’ll get along fine.