Car Repairs Suck!

I hate dealing with auto repairs. To me, there are few things worse in this world. Perhaps having to smell rotting garbage/burning cow flesh 24 hours a day like some people in Sioux City have to do would suck more (we’re lucky – we live upwind from the Sioux City Stench), but I somehow doubt it.

You see, as I type this my poor little Sebring is sitting in the service department at Charlie Zook Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep, hopefully getting the blower fixed. I was hoping to drive in at lunchtime, have them pop it on their magical scope or whatever it is those wizards use to convince you that something is seriously wrong, then they’d snap their greasy little fingers and fix the damn thing, and send me merrily on my way. In and out, just like that.

Ha. I should know better than to hope for something that crazy.

So I had to abandon my car, then wait for an old coot to give me a ride back to work. Charlie Zook is a good 10 miles away from work, so I’m thankful I didn’t have to walk in this heat/humidity, but the coot had the Bill O’Reilly Show cranked on the courtesy van radio, which really doesn’t sit too well with my beliefs. He’d snicker and make little bobblehead-dog comments to whatever it was that Bill was groaning on about, and I just sat there and kept my mouth shut, not wanting to be pushed out of the car on the freeway. Hey, at least it wasn’t Fatass Limbaugh on the air.

My old car (a piece of crap Buick) used to break down on me about once a week, usually in the middle of a busy highway. I swear to God that I pushed that damn car more than I drove it. It got to the point where the tow truck drivers all knew me on a first name basis. I’d call them and say, “Hi, Lou”, and instantly the reply would be, “Oh, hey Tommy. Where are you today?” I’m probably still paying off credit card debt from that car, and I abandoned it 15 years ago.

Auto repairs are never a joyous, positive experience. How many times in your life have you gone to have your car worked on and they’ve said, “Oh, it was only a 10-cent fuse.” Or “You really don’t need a new set of brakes after all. All you needed was this bolt tightened. That’ll be $5, please.” See? Never. It’s almost impossible to walk out of one of those places for less than $200, and quite often it’s more than that. Sucks big time, doesn’t it?

When I’m old and rich (har, har) I’m going to be one of those people who trades in his car every two years. The first thing to go wrong? So long, sucker – I’m getting a new one! What will I care about things such as depreciation or value? I’ll be loaded, and money will be no object! And then I’ll wake up from my dream, think, “aw, shit!”, and go get into my beat-up Buick, because that’s what old men drive.

But for now, what am I going to do? Walking everywhere sucks, and one of these days I’ll need to have that air conditioning/blower working, especially come winter when I’m freezing my ass off in 20 below zero Iowa. I don’t know the first damn thing about fixing cars; I can put gas in it, and I can drive it to Jumbo Lube once every 90 days for an oil change. That’s about it. So I’ll have to suck it up and take it, whether I like it or not. (Not.)
So here I sit –waiting for the eventual bad news. At least the lovely Mrs. G. was kind enough to agree to pick me up after work and take me down to rescue my car. Just one more reason why I love that lady. With any luck my Sebring will be as good as new in a few hours, and I won’t have to worry about anything else going wrong until...oh, at least Friday.