The Trouble with Teenagers
Okay, this may be the most personal note I’ve posted yet, so you may just want to skip this post if you’re not in the mood to see into the “heart & soul” of what makes ol’ Tommy tick.
I think I’m losing my daughter. And that, my friends, frightens the hell out of me.
Miss Katie is 17 ½ - a rebellious 17 ½. She thinks she’s grown up and can do whatever she wants now, which apparently includes walking all over what’s left of our increasingly fragile relationship. It’s to the point that I can’t believe a word that she says, and I’m having a hard time trusting her. Worse yet, I’m having a hard time seeing a future that includes her in my daily life. She lies to my face on a constant basis, she doesn’t take care of herself or her responsibilities, and she’s not the same loving person that I’ve known her to be.
In short, she’s becoming someone I don’t like to be around. I told you it was frightening.
Miss Katie and I have always had a close relationship; she and I bonded in her early years, and we’ve been good friends ever since. I remember watching her at age 4 months, smiling in her baby swing, as she listened to me sing ABC songs to her. We’d watch Disney Sing-A-Long videos for hours on end together, and we’d read every book in her collection to the point that I can still quote “Apes Find Shapes” and “Nanny Goat Had A Boat” in my sleep. Every night before bed we’d stand in front of the hall mirror and sing a couple of songs, and then she’d kiss me goodnight and ask me to turn on her music box.
When the X and I divorced, there was little doubt in anyone’s mind where and with whom Miss Katie would end up living. I proudly and with great pleasure took on the role of being a full time single parent. It was rough; what did I know about raising 8-year-old girls? – but together we set up a new home for ourselves, and we made it work. Not too long after that the Lovely Soon-to-be Mrs. G. came into our lives, and together the three of us became a family. It wasn’t always perfect – hell, what family is? - but for the most part it worked out very, very well. Mrs. G. loved Miss Katie as if she was her own child, and then some. She was the perfect mother for Katie, and I owe her more gratitude than I could ever express.
Now here we are, 10 years after we escaped the X and moved to Iowa. Miss Katie is about to be a high school senior, the Lovely Mrs. G. and I are still happy newlyweds, and the world generally revolves in good ways for us. We’re mostly healthy, we can afford to turn on the heat in the winter, and as you can tell from the size of my gut, nobody’s starving in the Gressel household.
And yet I’m feeling really out of sorts as of late, mainly due to Miss Katie and her increasingly volatile behavior. I worry about her something fierce – what is she up to? – and I want her to make something of her life. I want to see her grow and mature as a person, and to develop into a wonderful young woman. She’s an amazing kid, a great actress, and a caring, compassionate person...when she chooses to be.
But most of all, I want to be able to look forward to seeing her. I want to be able to trust her. I want to know that when she says something to me I have absolutely no reason to doubt her, because she always tells me the truth. I want to be able to look her in the eye and feel a sense of pride and joy; not a feeling that I’m being deceived or played as a fool once again.
Miss Katie lies to us all of the time these days. Big lies, little lies, they’re all the same. She sneaks around behind our backs, and then when she’s caught she either becomes defensive about it or just continues to lie some more. It’s to the point where I can’t believe anything she says, because the lies far outnumber the truths.
She recently went out and got her belly button pierced, and when I discovered it, what was the first thing she said? “Oh, Dad – it’s a fake!” Well, quite obviously it wasn’t. There I was, standing right in front of her, and she’s lying to my face. In all honestly, the fact that she snuck around behind our backs and had a body piercing didn’t hurt one tenth as much as the fact that she lied to me yet again.
Miss Katie’s prescription medication disappeared from our house a couple of weeks ago. She claims that a friend took her pills “accidentally”, and that she hasn’t been able to reach this friend by phone ever since. I don’t believe her. I’m convinced that someone else took her pills, and that Katie has continued to lie to us about it every day. It’s obvious that she wishes we’d just drop the subject and forget about it, but the fact remains that she continues to lie to us each and every single day. And every time she does? It hurts that much more.
But along with the pain from all the lies, I’m starting to develop some mighty big emotional scars. And those scars are getting thicker by the day. And pretty soon those scars are going to be so thick, they’ll cover over not only the pain of her constant lies, but a portion of the affection that I have for her as a person. True, I have an immense amount of love for Miss Katie, but she really makes it damn difficult for me to keep it alive when I can’t trust her. It’s the last thing I want in this world – to lose my daughter – but I’m afraid that’s what it may come down to. I cannot – and will not – live the rest of my life with someone I cannot trust.
Miss Katie turns 18 in October, and is scheduled to graduate from high school next May, Lord willing and she passes her senior year. Several times now I’m found myself daydreaming of sending her off into the world on her own after high school graduation – and I’m really, really ashamed of it. Fathers shouldn’t dream of moving away from their daughters, but that’s what I’m ready to do. Let her find someone else to live a life of lies and deceit with. And then the Lovely Mrs. G. and I will move on with our own lives, where we don’t have to sit up at night worrying about where she is or if she’s coming home or if she’ll ever be honest with us again.
What can I do? Miss Katie can’t be trusted, and she’s not showing us any sign that she wants to be part of our family any longer. Perhaps it’s time that she experience life on her own, and find out what it’s like to not have a trusting family behind you.
I guess that deep down I’ll always be there for her, and that I’ll support her in any way that I can. And yes, I’ll love her forever. She’s my child, and I’ll always remember that little girl singing to me in the hall mirror.
But damn – why does she have to make it so difficult to love her?
I think I’m losing my daughter. And that, my friends, frightens the hell out of me.
Miss Katie is 17 ½ - a rebellious 17 ½. She thinks she’s grown up and can do whatever she wants now, which apparently includes walking all over what’s left of our increasingly fragile relationship. It’s to the point that I can’t believe a word that she says, and I’m having a hard time trusting her. Worse yet, I’m having a hard time seeing a future that includes her in my daily life. She lies to my face on a constant basis, she doesn’t take care of herself or her responsibilities, and she’s not the same loving person that I’ve known her to be.
In short, she’s becoming someone I don’t like to be around. I told you it was frightening.
Miss Katie and I have always had a close relationship; she and I bonded in her early years, and we’ve been good friends ever since. I remember watching her at age 4 months, smiling in her baby swing, as she listened to me sing ABC songs to her. We’d watch Disney Sing-A-Long videos for hours on end together, and we’d read every book in her collection to the point that I can still quote “Apes Find Shapes” and “Nanny Goat Had A Boat” in my sleep. Every night before bed we’d stand in front of the hall mirror and sing a couple of songs, and then she’d kiss me goodnight and ask me to turn on her music box.
When the X and I divorced, there was little doubt in anyone’s mind where and with whom Miss Katie would end up living. I proudly and with great pleasure took on the role of being a full time single parent. It was rough; what did I know about raising 8-year-old girls? – but together we set up a new home for ourselves, and we made it work. Not too long after that the Lovely Soon-to-be Mrs. G. came into our lives, and together the three of us became a family. It wasn’t always perfect – hell, what family is? - but for the most part it worked out very, very well. Mrs. G. loved Miss Katie as if she was her own child, and then some. She was the perfect mother for Katie, and I owe her more gratitude than I could ever express.
Now here we are, 10 years after we escaped the X and moved to Iowa. Miss Katie is about to be a high school senior, the Lovely Mrs. G. and I are still happy newlyweds, and the world generally revolves in good ways for us. We’re mostly healthy, we can afford to turn on the heat in the winter, and as you can tell from the size of my gut, nobody’s starving in the Gressel household.
And yet I’m feeling really out of sorts as of late, mainly due to Miss Katie and her increasingly volatile behavior. I worry about her something fierce – what is she up to? – and I want her to make something of her life. I want to see her grow and mature as a person, and to develop into a wonderful young woman. She’s an amazing kid, a great actress, and a caring, compassionate person...when she chooses to be.
But most of all, I want to be able to look forward to seeing her. I want to be able to trust her. I want to know that when she says something to me I have absolutely no reason to doubt her, because she always tells me the truth. I want to be able to look her in the eye and feel a sense of pride and joy; not a feeling that I’m being deceived or played as a fool once again.
Miss Katie lies to us all of the time these days. Big lies, little lies, they’re all the same. She sneaks around behind our backs, and then when she’s caught she either becomes defensive about it or just continues to lie some more. It’s to the point where I can’t believe anything she says, because the lies far outnumber the truths.
She recently went out and got her belly button pierced, and when I discovered it, what was the first thing she said? “Oh, Dad – it’s a fake!” Well, quite obviously it wasn’t. There I was, standing right in front of her, and she’s lying to my face. In all honestly, the fact that she snuck around behind our backs and had a body piercing didn’t hurt one tenth as much as the fact that she lied to me yet again.
Miss Katie’s prescription medication disappeared from our house a couple of weeks ago. She claims that a friend took her pills “accidentally”, and that she hasn’t been able to reach this friend by phone ever since. I don’t believe her. I’m convinced that someone else took her pills, and that Katie has continued to lie to us about it every day. It’s obvious that she wishes we’d just drop the subject and forget about it, but the fact remains that she continues to lie to us each and every single day. And every time she does? It hurts that much more.
But along with the pain from all the lies, I’m starting to develop some mighty big emotional scars. And those scars are getting thicker by the day. And pretty soon those scars are going to be so thick, they’ll cover over not only the pain of her constant lies, but a portion of the affection that I have for her as a person. True, I have an immense amount of love for Miss Katie, but she really makes it damn difficult for me to keep it alive when I can’t trust her. It’s the last thing I want in this world – to lose my daughter – but I’m afraid that’s what it may come down to. I cannot – and will not – live the rest of my life with someone I cannot trust.
Miss Katie turns 18 in October, and is scheduled to graduate from high school next May, Lord willing and she passes her senior year. Several times now I’m found myself daydreaming of sending her off into the world on her own after high school graduation – and I’m really, really ashamed of it. Fathers shouldn’t dream of moving away from their daughters, but that’s what I’m ready to do. Let her find someone else to live a life of lies and deceit with. And then the Lovely Mrs. G. and I will move on with our own lives, where we don’t have to sit up at night worrying about where she is or if she’s coming home or if she’ll ever be honest with us again.
What can I do? Miss Katie can’t be trusted, and she’s not showing us any sign that she wants to be part of our family any longer. Perhaps it’s time that she experience life on her own, and find out what it’s like to not have a trusting family behind you.
I guess that deep down I’ll always be there for her, and that I’ll support her in any way that I can. And yes, I’ll love her forever. She’s my child, and I’ll always remember that little girl singing to me in the hall mirror.
But damn – why does she have to make it so difficult to love her?
posted by Tommy G at
11:55 AM
1 Comments:
My God.
I have some teenagers of my own, plus my adolescence (sp?) was pretty rocky, to say the least. My kids are rebellious, all right, but still not to the degree that you've described here. What you're going through sounds more like what I was like at that age, and my heart just breaks for you that you have to deal with it.
I could tell you that it will get better (I honestly believe it will), but there's always a few cases where it doesn't. I can only hope for you, and follow along.
My best wishes.
By
Bigg, at 11:33 AM
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