The Grasshopper Wins Again
Why is it that the laziest, worst performing people you work with always seem to be the ones who get promoted? They say that cream rises to the top, but apparently the scum does, too...
Rhymes with Farnes and Coble just promoted their absolute worst lead to a manager position. “Margaret” came to our store last fall as a seasonal bookseller, and she was pretty much lazy from the get-go. (She’d worked at a different Rhymes with Jarnes and Woble store before; what she was like there, I’ll never know.) She pretty much spent her shift standing behind the register, not lifting an extra finger at all. In February she got the lead position, and her head expanded about 20 times its size. Suddenly Margaret was IN CHARGE, by God, and started bossing us around like a big-headed Napoleon. She then continued to not work very much, only now on a full time basis. Basically, she hid in the receiving room most of the shift, while the rest of us straightened her area, helped the customers, and cleaned up the place. Then, at the end of the night, she’d crawl out of her hidey-hole, pretend to be helpful, and say, “Oh, did you need any help?” Bitch.
But now Margaret is management. Thank God I won’t have to deal with her much anymore – the receiving manager works mainly days, and I work nights. She can make other people’s lives hell instead.
This isn’t the first time in my professional life I’ve watched the worst people become number one. I worked in an office a few years back for a company that was based in a different state, away from our satellite location. My little office had only 4 people working there – everyone else with the company – including all of our supervisors and managers – were 150 miles south in Oregon. And one of our co-workers, Vicky, was the epitome of lazy goof-offs. She took at least (and I’m not kidding about this) 20 smoke breaks a day, and spent a majority of the rest of her day on the phone with either her sons, her son’s girlfriends, her mother, or her husband. (Thank God there wasn't Internet access back in those days.) Then when Vicky would get behind on her work she’d whine to the managers in Oregon that “Tommy isn’t being a team player and helping out.” So guess who got called on the carpet for not pitching in and covering her ass? Hey, my work was done on time, and then some. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to carry her weight when she refuses to even try. When the company closed our office, guess who got promoted? That’s right. The rest of us got two weeks severance. Vicky got to work from home – and a raise. Bitch times two.
There was also Kathy, who was the newest member of our team a few years back. She was a mediocre employee at best, but surprise, surprise, she was made supervisor over all of us -- just 6 weeks after joining the group. How'd she pull that off? Well, let's just say that it turns out that Kathy and our (female) manager shared the same sexual orientation, and they stuck together in more ways than one. She was a crappy lead, and it was apparent to everyone in the company that she couldn't hack it from day one. And yet there she was - getting paid more than anyone else yet doing a third of the work. Swell, huh?
Then there’s Bobby. Bobby was a lazy slug – he looked like (and moved a lot like) Jabba the Hutt. Did as little as humanly possible. Long story short, Bobby was promoted and made $150,000 a year. Bobby has a Corvette, a speedboat, and a house he paid for in cash. Jackass times three.
What is it – what is their secret? How are these people able to fool the world? I’m a damn hard worker, and have incredibly strong time management skills. I make efficient use of my time and the tools around me to get the most done that I possibly can. My output is generally double that of my co-workers. Yet it’s these losers who end up in charge, time after time. It’s enough to drive you batty.
I have 23 months now until I can implement my escape plan. Then I’ll try to find something where my skills and abilities matter, and who knows – maybe one day I’ll get that promotion, too. Only I won’t be lazy about it. That’s not my style.
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