Shave and a Haircut - Two Minutes
One of the biggest hassles with moving is having to find all new services. New doctors, new dentists, new favorite Chinese restaurants.
But for me, the biggest hassle has always been finding a new barber.
Guys, I'm sure you'll relate. You finally find someone who knows how to cut your hair the way you like it – neatly, efficiently, and without a lot of "ooh, you need some mousse and gel and conditioner and rub-in honey based goop" sales pitch. Once you find a genuine barber, you do whatever you can to hang onto that relationship as long as you can.
Sadly, genuine barber shops are quickly becoming a thing of the past. The smoke-filled rooms, the leather chairs, the stacks of Sports Illustrated and Playboy magazines laying around, the small black & white TV in the corner, the jars of green stuff that the combs live in… they're all fading away.
But for me, the biggest hassle has always been finding a new barber.
Guys, I'm sure you'll relate. You finally find someone who knows how to cut your hair the way you like it – neatly, efficiently, and without a lot of "ooh, you need some mousse and gel and conditioner and rub-in honey based goop" sales pitch. Once you find a genuine barber, you do whatever you can to hang onto that relationship as long as you can.
Sadly, genuine barber shops are quickly becoming a thing of the past. The smoke-filled rooms, the leather chairs, the stacks of Sports Illustrated and Playboy magazines laying around, the small black & white TV in the corner, the jars of green stuff that the combs live in… they're all fading away.
In their place have popped up "men's salons", like the place I ended up at last night. And that's where this tale begins.
Desperate for a haircut and unable to find an "old-fashioned" barber shop in my new area, I ended up at the local Sports Clips "men's salon". They advertise themselves as "Haircuts for Guys", which is a fancy way of saying they're going to charge you $20 for a haircut. The place has a sports motif, ESPN plays on several TVs, and the "barbers" (I'm not sure what the correct term would be in this case) are all twentysomething gum-smacking girls who wear workout pants and striped referee shirts. It's sort of like the "Hooters of Haircuts", only with more hair gel and less hot workers.
Anyway, in I went. I waited and waited and waited some more, as they only had two ladies cutting hair, and there was a line of 9 year olds ahead of me. ESPN was on, going over the Seahawks and Cowboys losses this weekend ad nauseum, so I sat and looked at the newspaper while trying to remain patient.
Finally, it was my turn. April, my "stylist du jour", showed up and welcomed me back to a chair. Sit down, paper towel around the neck, barber apron on. So far, so good.
She then brought out the menu – literally a menu – of services offered. You can have a basic cut (the "Varsity") for $16, or the "Triple Play" for $19, which includes a post-cut shampoo and a hot towel on your face. Or, if you are really into the metrosexual routine, for $23 they'll toss in a "gentle neck and shoulder massage". (I had this once – it's one of those $10 Wal-Mart hand-held massagers ran across your back. Not worth the money.)
Anyway, I declined all of the extras – I just wanted a basic cut; that was it. April said fine, whatever – and then proceeded to start the haircut.
Only it wasn't the traditional hair cutting that we all know and love. Scissors never came into the equation. There wasn't that familiar snip-snip-snip sound, or the whirr from the hot shaving cream for finishing off my neck.
Nope – the entire haircut was done with an electric razor with a comb attached. Buzz, buzz, buzz, all done. In two minutes flat.
I didn't get a haircut – I was sheared.
Desperate for a haircut and unable to find an "old-fashioned" barber shop in my new area, I ended up at the local Sports Clips "men's salon". They advertise themselves as "Haircuts for Guys", which is a fancy way of saying they're going to charge you $20 for a haircut. The place has a sports motif, ESPN plays on several TVs, and the "barbers" (I'm not sure what the correct term would be in this case) are all twentysomething gum-smacking girls who wear workout pants and striped referee shirts. It's sort of like the "Hooters of Haircuts", only with more hair gel and less hot workers.
Anyway, in I went. I waited and waited and waited some more, as they only had two ladies cutting hair, and there was a line of 9 year olds ahead of me. ESPN was on, going over the Seahawks and Cowboys losses this weekend ad nauseum, so I sat and looked at the newspaper while trying to remain patient.
Finally, it was my turn. April, my "stylist du jour", showed up and welcomed me back to a chair. Sit down, paper towel around the neck, barber apron on. So far, so good.
She then brought out the menu – literally a menu – of services offered. You can have a basic cut (the "Varsity") for $16, or the "Triple Play" for $19, which includes a post-cut shampoo and a hot towel on your face. Or, if you are really into the metrosexual routine, for $23 they'll toss in a "gentle neck and shoulder massage". (I had this once – it's one of those $10 Wal-Mart hand-held massagers ran across your back. Not worth the money.)
Anyway, I declined all of the extras – I just wanted a basic cut; that was it. April said fine, whatever – and then proceeded to start the haircut.
Only it wasn't the traditional hair cutting that we all know and love. Scissors never came into the equation. There wasn't that familiar snip-snip-snip sound, or the whirr from the hot shaving cream for finishing off my neck.
Nope – the entire haircut was done with an electric razor with a comb attached. Buzz, buzz, buzz, all done. In two minutes flat.
I didn't get a haircut – I was sheared.
Yes, in a mere 120 seconds, April was all done and was whipping the apron off of me. Never in my life had I had such a fast haircut – it was incredible. She ran that razor around my head, buzzed the back of my neck, and called it good. I was literally shocked to be done so quickly – what the hell happened? But there I was, shorn to a length that any sports-lovin' guy (or newly shaved lamb) would love.
It was incredible – Miss April needs to talk to Guinness Book or something. Either that, or she needs to go spend her summers working on a sheep ranch.
So here I am today, newly shaved, hoping to God that when it starts to grow out it doesn't stick out in every single direction. I paid $16 for my two minutes of men's salon service, plus a $3 tip. Was it worth it? We'll see.
But I think that next month I'll try a little harder to find a genuine barbershop – one that still uses silly little things like scissors. And jars of green stuff with combs in it.
It was incredible – Miss April needs to talk to Guinness Book or something. Either that, or she needs to go spend her summers working on a sheep ranch.
So here I am today, newly shaved, hoping to God that when it starts to grow out it doesn't stick out in every single direction. I paid $16 for my two minutes of men's salon service, plus a $3 tip. Was it worth it? We'll see.
But I think that next month I'll try a little harder to find a genuine barbershop – one that still uses silly little things like scissors. And jars of green stuff with combs in it.
posted by Tommy G at
6:41 AM
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