'Cause We're Classy Like That

To date I've resisted the urge to pick on my new Nebraska neighbors. I mean, it'd be a little impolite to move into town and immediately start making fun of them, right? Besides, I've got until next fall to sharpen my sarcasm pen for the upcoming madness that is the Husker football season.

But when I first drove past this lovely holiday display a couple of weeks ago, I knew that it was just begging for me to lovingly mock it.

First off, try to ignore the fact that I took this picture on January 8th – a full two weeks after Christmas. Far be it for me to gripe about my new neighbors leaving their holiday decorations up too long, after I lived across the street from Bubba Gump in Sioux City for 8 years – the guy who would leave his plastic Santa and reindeer flying in his yard until May.

Nope, it ain't the overstaying its welcome of this festive display that makes this photo blog worthy.

It's the lit deer in the tree. See him? He's the one who is hanging there like he's recently been hunted down and gutted. The one who has a string of red lights dripping out of him, like he's still bleeding out.

And a tasteful, sophisticated, and refined new year to you, too!

Now, I'll admit that part of me appreciates the joke. I mean, it seemed like everyone and their neighbor had one of those $19.99 Wal-Mart light-up animated deer in their yards this year. (The people directly across the street from us did have a light-up moose, though.) One house about a block from us even had 8 plastic 40-watt robotic reindeer parked out front, pulling Santa's sleigh across their lawn. So to see someone take a twisted approach on this fairly new holiday cliché amuses me in many ways.

But still – isn't it a little crude to celebrate a holiday best known for Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards Men by hanging Bambi upside down from a tree and letting his little red guts spill out onto the ground? I mean, you don't see a light-up pig on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth as a part of a manger scene. (Maybe I shouldn't give them any ideas.)

Besides, the over commercialism of Christmas has always bothered me. I've always believed that Christmas should be about love and family and happy memories, and not about tons of expensive gifts or out-Griswalding the neighbors with the Christmas lights. So while it's nice and all to see people celebrating as they so choose, it's also hard to know that somewhere out there a little kid is going to ask his parents why poor Rudolph has been drawn and quartered.

The Lovely Mrs. G. and I didn't put out any outdoor Christmas decorations this year – there just wasn't any time, what with us moving in a mere 6 days before Christmas. Heck, we were fortunate enough to have our Christmas tree up and to be able to find the boxes with the ornaments. So next year we'll have to go to town with the holiday lights, but I can assure you there won't be any simulated (or real) hunting victims hanging in our yard.

And I assure you that they'll be turned off and put away before Elvis' birthday.