Saints Alive!

I don’t consider myself to be a very superstitious guy. I don’t dread the number 13, I rarely avoid stepping on sidewalk cracks (sorry, Mom), and I don’t carry a four leaf clover or lucky rabbit’s foot with me, although I always do declare that I’m wearing my “lucky shirt” when entering the casino. As The Lovely Mrs. G. can attest, that stunt almost never pays off.

But sometimes in life you need a little luck in any form you can get it. Which leads me to our newest talisman for good fortune.

You see, our house is on the market, and Mrs. G. and I are both pretty anxious to sell the puppy. It’s nice and clean and ready to go – we just need to find the right buyer to come along and fall in love with the place, just like we did 8 and a half years ago.

Although it’s only been up for sale for two weeks now, we’d really like to get it sold ASAFP. So that’s why we’re turning to the mystical powers of none other than Saint Joseph.

Yes, THAT Saint Joseph, aka Jesus Christ’s Earthly Dad. The carpenter saint. He’s the guy who’s going to sell our house for us. Neat, no? Spiritual help without paying a commission.

Now, I should admit that in addition to not being superstitious, I’m also not Catholic. I’ve never asked a patron saint of anything for assistance before. In fact, I probably couldn’t name any other saints, besides maybe Saint Louis (The patron saint of Cardinals, Rams, and Budweiser.) But if working a little Joseph mojo sells our house, then I’m willing to try it. (Plus, it’s not as messy as voodoo.)

Here’s what you’re supposed to do: Go out and buy a statue of St. Joseph, and then bury him in your yard, with his little plastic head pointing away from your house. This will supposedly bring you good luck and a house buyer in no time.

The nice people at Snopes have the full scoop on Joey’s magical powers – check it out here, since they wrote it so much more eloquently than I could have: http://www.snopes.com/luck/stjoseph.asp

Anyway, once your house sells, you’re supposed to dig up Dusty Joe and put him in a place of honor in your new home, as a way of saying thanks for his help while in the soil. Hey, if Joseph does the trick, he’ll win a coveted spot in my trophy case, right next to my trivia metals and my Sleeping Beauty castle statue.

So Mrs. G. and I have obtained from a friend an official St. Joseph Real Estate kit, containing a statue, a prayer card, and instructions on how to properly bury Joe in the yard for maximum results. Tonight we’ll go out in the backyard and do the deed, and then sit back and see what happens. Hopefully we won’t be struck by lightning for blasphemy in the meantime.

We’re having another open house this weekend, and if Saint Joe does the trick, then who knows what type of good luck charm I’ll need to find next. I’ve already got a black cat – will that work?

I’ll probably also take St. Joe with me the next time I go to buy a Powerball ticket, since I’m not sure who the patron saint of lotteries is. Hey, if he can work once...