They're Trained Professionals! Honest!

We’re now deep into the summer movie season, and from what I hear, Pirates is the place to be. The Lovely Mrs. G. and I haven’t had a chance yet to go see Captain Jack Sparrow and friends, but we will here shortly – I promise.

In the meantime, I thought I’d show you one of the more clever things I’ve seen come out of a movie studio marketing department in a long time. No, it’s not yet another “Snakes on a Plane” fan-boy tribute. There are enough of those already floating around. (Side note: This is one movie that’d better live up to the hype, isn’t it? People have been drooling over SoaP for months now.)

Anyway, I thought I’d show you the official logo for Paramount Picture’s newest “Jackass” movie:

Funny-yet-crude, no? Even if you don’t like the concept of watching 6 idiots doing disgusting/dangerous/downright gross stunts, you have to appreciate the logo. Plus, calling it “Number Two” makes it all that much more repulsive.

I actually appreciate them calling it “Number Two”, since I once wrote a first-person POV story about a guy who is trapped in a women’s restroom. (It’s a Mexican restaurant, and he didn’t know the difference between “Senors” and “Senoritas”.) The title? “Looking Out For Number Two.” Ask nicely, and maybe I’ll post it here someday.

Anyway, Miss Katie and I rented the first Jackass movie a few years back. (The Lovely Mrs. G. had the good sense to skip the viewing. I still think she’s a better person for it.) I wouldn’t go as far as saying I was offended or appalled or anything like that, but I will admit to gagging when I saw the guy eat the “yellow sno-cone”. Ick.

As a kid I was never one to do anything that would be considered “Jackass Worthy”. The kids in my neighborhood used to like to climb the elementary school’s portables, and then jump from building to building, hoping to successfully make the leap across the 6-foot without splatting on the ground below, but I never tried it. Call me chicken, but the thought of not quite jumping far enough was enough to keep my feet solidly on the ground.

Then when I was 20, I joined the guys in the ‘hood for a pretty awesome bottle rocket fight that led to enough burns and ringing ears to maybe make it in Johnny Knoxville’s circle, but it wasn’t until we ran out of fireworks and one of the (drunk) dudes broke out the next closest thing – highway safety flares – that things got really out of hand. I don’t think there was any of us who went home that night without at least a dozen holes burned in our clothes, and 21 years later, several of the guys probably still have the burn scars to help them remember that night.

But nowadays I’m grown, responsible, and have a mortgage to pay. I can’t go to work if I’m in traction from riding down the street in a dumpster, and I don’t think The Lovely Mrs. G. would be a good sport about “tidying me up” if I was in a full body cast from something so stupid. So I’ll leave the nutty stunts to the professionals.

Oh, and as far as Jackass 2 goes? I probably won’t be seeing it theatrically, either. But maybe – just maybe – if it’s on late night cable one night someday, I’ll turn it on and laugh at other people’s idiotic hobbies.

It’s safer that way.