Tawney Kitten

My dear, sweet, darling, precious, yet full-o-crap daughter brought home a kitten yesterday. Cute little thing – maybe 5, 6 weeks old, long hair tabby, with big blue eyes. Miss Katie wants to name it “Tawney Kitten”, because the two kids she found it with were named “Tom” and “Johnny”, and each of them wanted it named after them, so she compromised. The Lovely Mrs. G. and I found it odd that she’d want to name the cat “Tawney Kitten”, but Miss Katie didn’t get the joke – apparently she hasn’t watched as many Whitesnake videos as we have. Hey – at least she didn’t name it “Oprah” or “Alanis”.

Now, while Miss Katie may be a perfectly nice 17-year-old girl with a gigantic heart of gold, I say with all confidence that she’s full-o-crap, mainly because this is the story we got when said kitten came home with her:

“Okay, Dad – it’s like this – I did something heroic today. Me and my friends were driving, and I saw a car in front of us run over a cat. So we pulled over to see if the cat was dead, which it was, but she had a little baby kitty in her mouth. The kitten is okay and she’s so cute and can we keep her? I mean, I couldn’t just leave her there to STARVE!”

Do you buy that tale? I don’t. On the credibility scale, I’d have to give that story a 2. Creativity a 6, originality a 5, but credibility remains at 2.

So for the time being we have 3 cats in our house. Or 2 ½, if you consider Tawney’s size. Our other two feline residents, Jack and Tasha, aren’t so hot on the new visitor, which isn’t surprising. They’re 12 and 14 years old and are mighty set in their ways. After all, any new cats might displace their position in the kitty pecking order, and they can’t have that. (We imagined an “All About Eve” scenario, with little Tawney “accidently” pushing Jack down the stairs.)

Anyway, Miss Katie begged, pleaded, and flashed her best Bambi eyes, but I’m afraid that Little Tawney the Supposedly Orphaned Kitten won’t be joining the Gressel family on a permanent basis. Two cats is plenty. Sorry kid, nice try. Miss Katie is supposed to take Tawney down to the Humane Society today, where I’m sure some nice family will adopt her and give her the love and devotion we don’t have time for. She’ll be happy in her new home, Jack and Tasha will be thrilled to not have to share their daily adoration with a newcomer, and Mrs. G. and I won’t have to clean up cat barf at 4:00 AM from a third beast.

But...maybe I can get Miss Katie to bring home a puppy...