What's for lunch?

We got an e-mail today from HR letting us know that as of next week you can have a payroll deduction made when you purchase food items from the company cafeteria. I wonder if it’s tax deductible?

My employer’s cafeteria is named "Earle’s Place". AKA Botulism City. Nausea Palace. A real shithole.

The cafeteria has been operated by a half dozen companies in the time that I’ve been here (7 years), but always with the same staff. Different company name embroidered on the polo shirt, same parolee employees. The food has always been overpriced and lousy – can’t anyone make a decent roast beef sandwich anymore? – so I usually avoid it like the plague it is. For a long time the vendor was “Eurest”, which tried to make things chi-chi cool and gourmet, which lasted about a week when they discovered that Iowans won’t pay $8 for a 4-ounce prime rib lunch when they can just run over to Billy Boy Drive-In, where chili dogs are available for two for a buck.

The revolving staff at Eurest at first wore headsets to communicate with each other, but those too didn’t last too long. I mean, what were they really going to say to each other: “More spoiled meat for the deli!” “Hey, make sure you overcharge them for that salad!” By the time they faded away and the newest vendor took over, they’d gone from 2 daily specials to zero, from a complete salad bar to a half dozen half-rotten prepackaged salads, from two soups and a pot of chili to one soup (quality? Made Campbells look 5 stars), and lots and lots of canned pop, candy bars, and chips. Nothing like a healthy, nutritious meal, is there? Eurest was also world famous for their 50% meat hamburgers that actually did taste more like oatmeal than ground chuck. There was so much filler in those bad boys you could’ve poured milk over them and served them as part of a complete breakfast.

So the new vendor took over in January, naturally hiring the entire Eurest staff, but paying them $2 an hour less than they made before. We all know this, because the employees are still whining to everyone within earshot about their now-lower salary, whether we care to hear it or not. Hey, we’ve all got our own workplace problems, pal. My company has laid off 92% of its staff in the past four years. We’ve gone from 25,000 people to just 1,800. For those of us “lucky” enough to remain, we haven’t had a pay raise in two years and our medical costs have gone up 40%. So don’t whine to me about your barely-skilled job paying you less. I really don’t want to hear it. And get your dirty thumb out of my scrambled eggs.

Looking back on that last paragraph, it does sound like I’m bitter and angry, doesn’t it? But this is the life we lead. Everyone has to do something they don’t particularly care for. Some people mop floors and change the expiration date on milk cartons for a living; some of us put up with people like Skippy Whitebread. All for a steady paycheck and the hope that someday you’ll be able to walk away with your dignity intact. That’s the working life, I suppose. So you smile, pretend that it really doesn't bother you that badly, and keep looking forward to Friday.

In the end, I’ll keep plugging away here, doing what I do and doing it to the best of my abilities. I won’t hold my breath for a pay raise, and if I’m lucky, I’ll be able to quit on my own terms instead of getting that dreaded tap on my shoulder from HR when they decide to do their next round of layoffs. (I’ve lived through 10 rounds of job cuts so far – a rather amazing feat, don’t you think?) I’m a talented guy and I know my job very well, and in just a mere 24 months from right now I’m planning on using those skills that I’ve picked up over the last 7 years to go somewhere where I’m respected as a human and valued as an employee.

Because it could always be worse. I could work at Earle’s Place.