The Same is the Aim of this Game

Hey, did you know that this Saturday will be Mr. & Mrs. Gressel's 11th anniversary? Cool, no?

Yep – the Lovely Mrs. G. and I have been married (officially) for 11 years this weekend. We were technically married on Thursday the 12th, thanks to signed and notarized paperwork at the Missoula, Montana courthouse, but the ceremony was on Saturday the 14th, so that's the day we mark every year. To-ma-to, To-mah-to, I know.

What's the secret of our marital bliss? Well, other than paying attention to most of the 10 Commandments and the usual "biggies", the lovely Mrs. G. and I really don't have that many hard-set rules in our marriage. There's the usual suspects: Don't drive home stinking drunk, don't smack each other around, no messing around with other people, don't wear my underwear, thou shalt pick your crap up off the floor every now and then.

But there's one rule of Mrs. G's that I proudly obey – 11 years ago this Saturday, I promised my lovely bride that I would never, ever, EVAH…make her dress up the same as me.

You know – matching t-shirts and the ilk? That's strictly taboo in the Gressel home.

Ah, but I recently stumbled across a website that not only embraces this "dress alike" policy, they actually profit from it! Check this out – http://www.matcheez.com/

Matcheez, according to their site, "specializes in coordinating outfits in sizes from infants' newborn size through adults' size 6XL!" Yes, as sick and wrong as it may sound, you, your spouse, your kids, the dog, and even your Fat Aunt Blabby can all dress alike! Doesn't that sound soooooooo cute?

Excuse me while I shudder uncontrollably at the mere thought.

Now, the nice people at Matcheez must realize that for some of us, dressing the entire family alike is akin to blasphemy and/or armed robbery on the Sin-O-Meter. It's just something you don't even dare suggest, out of fear of being laughed right out of the family tree. So it was considerate of them to include the following on the top of their FAQ page:

Why would our family want to dress alike?
Get into the family spirit! It can be fun and practical to dress alike. Matching outfits help keep track of your children at the zoo, on field trips, during vacations or on other outings. Family portraits look better when everyone co-ordinates their clothing. Little girls love to get matching doll outfits for their birthdays. School clubs and teams can show their school spirit by dressing alike. Holidays and family events like Easter Sunday, Christmas morning, engagements, family reunions and weddings provide the perfect opportunity to dress in matching clothing. Whatever reason inspires you, let matcheez.com help you show your family unity to the world.

Sick, sick, sick.

Time has of course marched on, and sometimes opinions change. Just to make sure that Mrs. G. hadn't changed her mind about dressing exactly like me (and the cats, if we so choose), I recently sent her the Matcheez link, asking if this was her own private version of Hell. Her reply? "For families who love to match?!! Who are these families? And why hasn't someone run over them with a car?"


(And for the record, nobody is suggesting that you actually stomp on the gas and mow down an identically clad family the next time you see them crossing the street. Mock them if you must and pity them if you will, but please – don't go out and get a bunch of matching t-shirted kissing cousins stuck in your grille.)

But you do have to wonder exactly how "fun and practical" it would be to dress the same as your kiddies, your pet goat, and/or your drooling grandfather. People may look at you and say "Aw, ain't that quaint." Or they may look at you and say, "C'mon, kids – stay on our side of the street, and don't make eye contact."

Besides, no matter how much "family spirit" there is, you just know that there will be at least one sullen teenage girl in the family who'd rather wear a paper bag over her head than risk being seen dressed just like her slob of a Dad by any of her friends. I mean, as if! In this age of camera phones and MySpace pages called "Check It Out -- Ashley Dresses Like Her Mom!", it'd be social suicide, wouldn't it?

Yep – publicly wearing the same clothes as someone else is okay if you're a twin, and you're either 5 years old or you're filming a Doublemint gum commercial. Other than that? I'd probably have to think twice, and change once.

So there you have it – one great big vote of "NO" to matching clothing, from the happily married (and still uniquely individual) Mr. & Mrs. Thomas J. Gressel. Mrs. G. will remain lovely as ever in her professional ensembles, and I'll go on wearing my old Disney World t-shirt with the hole in the armpit.

Happy anniversary, Mrs. G. I love you millions.

Now, how do you feel about matching tattoos?