Deliver Me From Nerdville

I’ve been in training classes all week – the Official Microsoft(r) Windows(r) Vista(r) Prelaunch Seminars(tm) (accept no substitutions!). Yeah, they’re about as exciting as they sound. Someone kick me to make sure I’m still awake, will you?

I’m bored so far mainly because I’ve been working with the beta version of Vista for several months now, so everything they’re teaching to us is a repeat to me. Meanwhile, I have a lot of work I could be doing back at my desk. But no – I’m a good Tom. So I sit there, keep quiet, and try not to yawn.

But the 16 people in the training room around me? They couldn’t be more excited about it. They talk and chatter and giggle like little schoolgirls whenever they learn some new neat Vista-only feature.

Yes, it’s true. I’m surrounded by...COMPUTER NERDS!

These are guys who were absolutely astounded to learn that I didn’t rush right home Monday night after class and spend the rest of the night formatting one of my many PCs to load the RC2 Vista version they gave us. (Seriously.)

They laugh together about obscure computer acronyms (I have no idea what a “T.S.O.P.” is, but just mentioning it sure makes them snicker). They talk about memory modules and BTX cases and nVidia sound chipsets like it was the greatest thing on Earth.

Me? I really could care less. I own two computers – one desktop that I use for school and e-mail, and one laptop that I haven’t turned on in probably 6 months. I’ve never upgraded my BIOS (oh, the shame!), I never download new drivers (oh, the horror!), and I’m not constantly looking to upgrade the hardware (blasphemy!). Heck, I’m still running old Windows 95 software in some cases. It just doesn’t matter to me.

But these guys – they’re far too into this crap. For me, a computer is a tool. For them, it’s a girlfriend, or the closest thing to one they’ll ever see.

Yesterday the instructor was showing a “neat trick” in Windows Vista, where during the installation phase you can press Shift+F10, which opens a command prompt. You can then open the log files...and...get this!...Follow Along As Vista Installs!

When the instructor mentioned this, I swear that the 16 young nerdlings around me all sprung their very first boners. They literally all said “OOOOOOOOOOHHH!” in unison. Seriously – as if reading log files to see which Vista feature is currently installing is a fabulous way to spend your evening. Throw in a box of Twinkies and a large bottle of Jolt Cola, and you’ve got a party!

So I’m on my way back to class now – day 3 of 5. I’m wearing my Spock ears and my “DOS For Dummies” t-shirt, and I’ll try to think of a couple of Bill Gates jokes to tell while I’m walking down the hall. That way maybe I’ll fit in a little bit.

Or maybe I’ll just keep my pride intact and not become a computer geek myself. Because I have a life. And a girl. And no masking tape on my glasses.

See you soon.
Live long and prosper.