Love Is In The Airwaves

Blender Magazine has an interesting Top 10 list in their current issue. And thanks to the power of the Internet and my scruplesless ways of "borrowing" it, I’m reprinting the article here, along with my own comments.

First, the subject matter...

10 Songs You Were Probably Conceived To
Baby-makin' music is all well and good — unless the baby is you.

Yes, Blender Magazine has come up with what they feel are the top 10 songs for knocking boots to – the music that leads to conception. It seems like a silly thing to discuss, since all of the songs are from the early 70’s -- well after many of us were born, and well before many of us were in a position to do such things. (What – no Salt ‘N Pepa on the list?)

Anyway, here’s their top 10 “Night o’ Passion Equals 18 Years of Parenting” songs:

10. Donna Summer, “Love to Love You Baby” (1975)

Hmmm... I would’ve thought it would be “Hot Stuff” or “Bad Girls” instead. I’ve never been a huge fan of Miss Summer, but she’s stirred the loins of many a young man, so I suppose she deserves a spot on this list.

9. Bread, “Make It With You” (1970)

I hate Bread. It’s not just a little dislike or a touch of disdain. Nope – I HATE Bread and their sappy music. I just thought I’d point that out.

8. Boston, “More Than a Feeling” (1976)

This entry surprised me – I mean, BOSTON??? I still find this sound sounding a lot like “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, which I’m sure has served as rocket fuel for children in the early 90’s.

7. Al Green, “Simply Beautiful” (1972)

How can you argue with Al Green? Even if you don’t dig his music, you know that your woman probably does. This one is a “gimme”, fellas.

6. Lynyrd Skynyrd, “Tuesday’s Gone” (1973)

Skynyrd is one notch above Bread on my “ugh” list, which isn’t saying much. I personally don’t find their whining music to be romantic, and puh-leeze – nobody can listen to “Sweet Home Alabama” and find it a turn-on unless their blotto drunk, in which case the passion probably wouldn’t work anyway. So we’ll just fast forward this one.

5. Led Zeppelin, “Whole Lotta Love” (1969)

Zeppelin? Are you serious? T his is a backseat of the station wagon song, at best.

4. Barry White, “Love Serenade” (1975)

See the comments for #7, and then double them here. Yeah, baby.

3. Jefferson Starship, “Miracles” (1975)

I like Starship, but it’s hard to think of them for anything anymore except that crappy “We Built This City” song. It’s like trying to imagine Liz Taylor as a young, svelte pretty girl and only being able to picture the mess she is today. Kind of kills the moment, doesn’t it?

2. Kiss, “Beth” (1976)

I wonder how many people were wearing the Kiss makeup at the time? “So who’s the father of your child?” “I don’t know, but he looked like Ace Freeley!”

1. Teddy Pendergrass, “Turn Off the Lights” (1979)

Teddy is cool in his own way, but this song would only work if your parents had a zebra-skin run, a mirrored ceiling, and a disco ball and/or a lava lamp going at the time. Groovy!

So there you go – 10 semi-okay, semi-crappy 1970’s songs suitable for procreation. Get to it, if you must.

As for me, well I’m going to find my old C & C Music Factory “Everybody Dance Now” cassette. Trust me – it works wonders. ;)