Dead Pool 2006

The Lovely Mrs. G. and I used to have an annual Dead Pool, where you’d bet on which celebrities would still be alive and kicking at the end of next December, and which ones would find themselves as highly Botoxed worm food in Forest Lawn. We gave it up a few years back though, mainly because it was major bad mojo voodoo, mon. You are just asking for bad karma when you wager on who will live and who will die.

Still, it was fun while it lasted. Our contest was fairly simple. You’d make bets in the following four categories:

* Pick 10 celebrities who will kick the bucket.
* Pick 5 celebrities who will go into rehab.
* Pick 5 celebrities who will be arrested.
* Pick 5 celeb couples who will appear in Divorce Court.

See? It really was a bitter and snarky contest, but it was also a lot of fun.

Mrs. G. and I played this game for probably close to 5 years, and most years I came out on top, primarily because I always put rappers “Old Dirty Bastard” and Bobby Brown on my jail/rehab lists, and at the time it was almost certain one or the other would be busted on a daily basis. It was almost like taking candy from a baby with those guys. We also spent most years picking the upcoming demise of the Pope, who did finally pass away, but several years after we'd ended our game. Sometimes I wonder if he just held in there to spite us...

But like I said, we gave up the game, in the hope that our fortune wouldn’t sour as our celebrities fell upon hard times. Oh, sure - celebs will still do stupid things and will find their mug shots on The Smoking Gun, or will find themselves guests of Betty Ford for their quote-unquote "slight problem with prescription pain medication", but they'll have to do it without the Gressels cheering for their downfall.

As far as games go, the Dead Pool really is kind of mean spirited. I mean, I wouldn’t want someone betting on how much longer I’ll be around – the insurance companies already do this; why have someone else do it, too? But it was all done in good fun, and the way I see it, if you make $20 million a movie and can hire 300 people to be your personal best friends, then you deserve to be mocked every now and then when you stumble into a pile of Esctacy and Red Bull.

Still, if I was to make my list today, I can guarantee you that Paris Hilton would be on at least two of my entries, and that a certain Brit ‘n K Fed couple would top my divorce list.

But I’ll be the bigger man, and not wager on other people’s hard times any longer. I’ve moved passed it, and you should, too.

Now, please call off the lightning strikes.