Ho, Ho, Wha???

Today is Monday, September 26, 2005. Keep that in mind, because it is significant for the story I’m about to tell you.

This morning I get up and go to the gym, where normally I’m greeted by a bunch of old guys running around in their birthday suits talking about high school football. (“Attack of the Naked Old Guys (NOGs).”) But this morning I saw something even more shocking:

Christmas decorations.

That’s right; the Siouxland Y’s front lobby is completely decorated for Christmas – lights, garland, holly, a little plastic Christmas tree, stockings hanging on the reception desk, and even a cute little paper Santa hanging in the wall.

Awwww, happy holidays, y'all!

Actually, what I meant to type was: WHAT THE HELL??? It’s September 26th, for God’s sake – Christmas is still 90 days away! Why on Earth would any business (outside of maybe a Hallmark store) hang up Christmas decorations when Autumn is only four days old? It’s still 80 degrees here – and we’re in Iowa!

So. As you can probably tell, I’m not a huge fan of places that “jump the gun” that far in advance. I know it’s done – I’ve worked retail long enough to see Halloween decorations by July 5 and Valentine stuff on sale December 26. But c’mon – this is a gymnasium. I’ve got to walk past their Winter Wonderland for the next 3 months until Christmas. Don’t you think we’ll all be good and sick of it before then?

I really do like Christmas – just only in short amounts. I prefer to put up a Christmas tree in early December, then take it down before New Years. I’m not one of those guys who can enjoy a tree from mid-November until President’s Day. It’s just a bit much, if you ask me.
Of course, my neighbor across the street will leave his plastic snowman on his roof until the first of April every year, and this year the guy next door left his robotic light-up deer in his yard until almost May, so maybe the holidays are becoming longer and longer with each passing year.

So on behalf of the nice (yet deranged) people at the Siouxland Y, I’d like to be the very first to wish you a joyous holiday season. May your days be merry and bright, and may you not gag on all the sugarplum-coated holiday spirit served up for the next 3 months, beginning today.

And be sure to hold onto any sales receipts; most stores only let you return items for 30 days nowadays.