What Takes The Prize?
Sometimes you win, and sometimes you win...crap.
My daughter Miss Katie called me at work yesterday to tell me that there was a package at home waiting for me. “It’s from the Prize Fulfillment Center!” she yelled. “What’d you win?”
Well, I had no clue. I enter lots of essay contests, so it could be anything. Miss Katie said the box was small and relatively heavy – about a foot long, about 6 inches high. Could be an iPod, could be a book, could be a bag of gold “pieces of eight” from my swashbucklin' scurvy pirate friends. (That’ll be the day.)
So I spent the afternoon wondering what wonderful things could be in this mystery package from Prize Fulfillment Center.
Over the years I’ve won some mighty rockin’ things – several trips, a TiVo, a pair of Timex Watches, a thousand bucks, an entire box of expensive bedding...but on occasion I’ve opened the package and found a steaming pile of swag-crap.
Examples? I got a prize release FedEx’ed to me several years ago – Congratulations! You’re a winner! Fill this out, have it notarized, and send it back, and in - weeks you’ll have your prize. I knew the top prize in the contest was $ 10,000, and second place was $5,000. So I signed the release forms, crossed my fingers, and dreamed.
Two weeks later my “prize” showed up – a large manila envelope filled with copies of the company’s advertising campaign. Estimated retail value? $0.
About a year later I was one of the winners in Crayola’s “Name The New Crayon Color” contest (I picked “Asparagus”.) The top 30 winners got trips to Disney World or something cool like that. Anyway, they sent me my prize – a metal crayon box. No crayons – no trip - just the metal box. Gee, whiz. Thanks for nothing?
But then there was the mysterious one-page letter I almost tossed out, thinking it was junk mail. It sure looked like junk mail. But inside was a letter telling me that I’d won a trip for four to New York City. (Yes, I’ve learned to open all mail, no matter how worthless it may look from the outside. Mom was apparently right about not judging books by the cover...)
So I’ve learned not to get your hopes up too high. Which brings me back to yesterday’s mystery box from the Prize Fulfillment Center.
I ripped the box open, and inside was...
...Two 20-ounce bottles of Diet Pepsi Jazz.
Now, my first thought was “Damn! No iPod!”
My second thought was “Jesus, what’d it cost them to ship us two bottles of pop via UPS from Connecticut? Wouldn’t it have been more economical to just mail us a couple of coupons?”
But my third thought? “Ugh – it’s Diet Pepsi Jazz.” If you haven’t tasted this stuff yet, consider yourself lucky. It’s Diet Pepsi spiked with two flavors – Black Cherry French Vanilla and Strawberries & Cream. We tried the Strawberry type, and it’s...how do I put this politely?...NASTY. It tastes like Hubba-Bubba bubble gum. No sir, I don’t like it. (And I’m a die-hard Diet Pepsi drinker, so you know it must be bad!)
So my wonderful mystery prize is two bottles of UPS-delivered soda pop that I’ll never drink. (I gave them to Miss Katie – her teenage palate will probably enjoy the gum-flavored colas.)
Oh, well – It didn't cost me anything to enter the contest, and I suppose I can always return the empties to the store for the 5 cent deposits. That way, the estimated prize value? One thin dime.
So here’s to better luck next time. Maybe Pepsi-Cola will mail me a Jazz Cadillac. Hey, I’d learn to drink the Jazz stuff if they tossed me the keys to a $50,000 Escalade. Wouldn’t you?
My daughter Miss Katie called me at work yesterday to tell me that there was a package at home waiting for me. “It’s from the Prize Fulfillment Center!” she yelled. “What’d you win?”
Well, I had no clue. I enter lots of essay contests, so it could be anything. Miss Katie said the box was small and relatively heavy – about a foot long, about 6 inches high. Could be an iPod, could be a book, could be a bag of gold “pieces of eight” from my swashbucklin' scurvy pirate friends. (That’ll be the day.)
So I spent the afternoon wondering what wonderful things could be in this mystery package from Prize Fulfillment Center.
Over the years I’ve won some mighty rockin’ things – several trips, a TiVo, a pair of Timex Watches, a thousand bucks, an entire box of expensive bedding...but on occasion I’ve opened the package and found a steaming pile of swag-crap.
Examples? I got a prize release FedEx’ed to me several years ago – Congratulations! You’re a winner! Fill this out, have it notarized, and send it back, and in - weeks you’ll have your prize. I knew the top prize in the contest was $ 10,000, and second place was $5,000. So I signed the release forms, crossed my fingers, and dreamed.
Two weeks later my “prize” showed up – a large manila envelope filled with copies of the company’s advertising campaign. Estimated retail value? $0.
About a year later I was one of the winners in Crayola’s “Name The New Crayon Color” contest (I picked “Asparagus”.) The top 30 winners got trips to Disney World or something cool like that. Anyway, they sent me my prize – a metal crayon box. No crayons – no trip - just the metal box. Gee, whiz. Thanks for nothing?
But then there was the mysterious one-page letter I almost tossed out, thinking it was junk mail. It sure looked like junk mail. But inside was a letter telling me that I’d won a trip for four to New York City. (Yes, I’ve learned to open all mail, no matter how worthless it may look from the outside. Mom was apparently right about not judging books by the cover...)
So I’ve learned not to get your hopes up too high. Which brings me back to yesterday’s mystery box from the Prize Fulfillment Center.
I ripped the box open, and inside was...
...Two 20-ounce bottles of Diet Pepsi Jazz.
Now, my first thought was “Damn! No iPod!”
My second thought was “Jesus, what’d it cost them to ship us two bottles of pop via UPS from Connecticut? Wouldn’t it have been more economical to just mail us a couple of coupons?”
But my third thought? “Ugh – it’s Diet Pepsi Jazz.” If you haven’t tasted this stuff yet, consider yourself lucky. It’s Diet Pepsi spiked with two flavors – Black Cherry French Vanilla and Strawberries & Cream. We tried the Strawberry type, and it’s...how do I put this politely?...NASTY. It tastes like Hubba-Bubba bubble gum. No sir, I don’t like it. (And I’m a die-hard Diet Pepsi drinker, so you know it must be bad!)
So my wonderful mystery prize is two bottles of UPS-delivered soda pop that I’ll never drink. (I gave them to Miss Katie – her teenage palate will probably enjoy the gum-flavored colas.)
Oh, well – It didn't cost me anything to enter the contest, and I suppose I can always return the empties to the store for the 5 cent deposits. That way, the estimated prize value? One thin dime.
So here’s to better luck next time. Maybe Pepsi-Cola will mail me a Jazz Cadillac. Hey, I’d learn to drink the Jazz stuff if they tossed me the keys to a $50,000 Escalade. Wouldn’t you?
posted by Tommy G at
9:52 AM
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