False Start, Offense. 10 Yard Penalty, Still First Down.

I laughed a couple of weeks ago when the Seahawks beat the Carolina Panthers for a Superbowl berth – the NFL.com sent me an offer to buy an NFC Champion t-shirt an hour before the end of the game. “Don’t count your touchdowns before they hatch” apparently isn’t an NFL motto.

But this offer? This one tops them all. I received this e-mail Monday, 6 DAYS before the Superbowl:

Avoid the post-game rush - buy a Seahawks Superbowl Champion box o' crap for only $69.99 today!!!

Wow – talk about preselling the future. I love how it says in tiny print on the bottom: “if your team happens to take a huge dive and has to go home crying like little girls, don’t worry – we’ll cancel your order for you.” Gee, thanks.

It's remarkable that they're already selling Superbowl winning stuff, days before the game is even played. Do they know something I don't know? Is the fix in? Somebody had better call 60 Minutes or Dateline, that's all I'm saying.

But the real question raised is this: Can you imagine if other industries tried selling merchandise geared to future events they haven’t necessarily earned yet?

Front cover of Time Magazine: “Enron: Ethically Serving the Public for 50 Years.”

On a DVD package: “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo – Winner of 10 Academy Awards!”

On a Franklin Mint collector’s plate: “Congratulations to Britney & Kevin Federline on their 10th wedding anniversary!”

Along those same lines: A K-Tel record offer: “Kevin Federline – 10X platinum album + multi Grammy winner = international superstar!”

American History books: “George W. Bush – America’s Greatest President!”

Travel Brochure: “Visit Sunny New Orleans!”

TV Commercial: “FOX – A Lifetime of High-Quality, Educational Programming”

Revlon Billboard: “Paris Hilton – Lookin’ Good at 80!”

So as you can see, jumping the gun can lead to jumping the shark in mere moments. As for the NFL’s “generous” offer to let me drop $70 clams (plus shipping) for their swag, I’ll Just Say No. But I will watch their game (and commercials) on Sunday. It's the least I can do.

Let the games begin!